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Bisexual People Who Have Dated Both Men And Women Talk About What It’s Like

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Much ink has been spilled over the differences and similarities between the genders, and we’re no closer to settling the issue than we ever have been. While books like, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” claim that men and women are entirely different species, speaking different languages, others claim that men and women are far more alike than they are different.

The whole issue gets even more complicated when we start talking relationships. For many people who have dated only one gender, it’s interesting to think about how dating men might compare to dating women, or vice-versa!

To settle this question, we asked the experts; twenty-five bisexual people who have dated both men and women.

1. “Bisexual guy here. I honestly find men to be MUCH sweeter in a relationship. It’s not that they can’t or won’t express their feelings; a lot of them just don’t know how. Men, despite their sexuality, are taught to bottle up feelings and not express vulnerability. I find it so cute when the guy I’m with gets flustered when trying to get deep, cause you can tell that he’s trying.” (SoYoung_SoHigh)

2. “I find it’s pretty surprising how not at all different it is dating men and women. Some people are up front communicators, some people say “fine” and don’t mean it – regardless of gender. People have hang ups and expectations and assumptions and sore spots and baggage in pretty damn similar ways, regardless of gender. I there’s more variability between individuals than between the sexes.” (micromorticia)

“The girls I’ve dated have actually been significantly quicker to tell me when somethings wrong. The guys I’ve dated bottled it in sometimes for a month before I even knew anything was up.” (riddley16)

“Women are softer, physically – not just with regards to, you know, boobs and stuff, but also just their skin in general. All that moisturizing pays off. All you want to do is touch ’em.” (Portarossa)

“The biggest difference I’ve noticed is how forward you can be with intercourse right from the get-go. Dating with a woman is a f*****g dance, testing the waters to see how far you’re allowed to go. Dating with a man is usually “You interested? Alright, let’s get that s**t in me ASAP, homie”.” (GreatAndPowerfulNixy)

“Men dating bisexual women are a lot more likely to ask for a threesome. Men dating bisexual women who ask for a threesome repeatedly despite not being able to read the f*****g room don’t date bisexual women for very long.” (Portarossa)

Serious young couple talking in home interior

“One thing I’ve noticed is that when dating women in heterosexual relationships, men will give up in disagreements. Say we’re deciding where to eat, and I want Chinese and she wants Italian. Eventually, I’ll reach a limit of how much I’ll argue about this vs how much I want Chinese. Dating men this rarely happens. Sure you get disagreements and have to compromise, but the overall relationship seems to be more balanced.” (Lokican)

“(I’m a girl) With a guy, I want to be cuddled and to feel safe in his arms, etc., but with a girl, I want to cuddle her and make her feel safe. also, I find that being with on the same page with a girl because (i guess) she’s more likely to understand why I’d feel a certain way, and she already knows all the nuances girls catch and use to communicate. with a guy communication has to be more intentional: if, say, I’m upset, I’ve taken to telling guys exactly why I’m upset and exactly how it makes me feel.” (swiggityswell)

8Braeden Summers

“By far the biggest difference was expectations for gender roles in the relationship. Pretty much all men I dated expected I carry the burden of the emotional work of the relationship and (If living with them) the house work. It is really not attractive when your boyfriend just expects you to be responsible for his laundry and remember birthdays/pick up cards/ make the shopping list/ tell him what chores to “help” with, as if I turned into their secretary or mom. And the thing was they weren’t even conscious of it! With the women I have dated, it has been far more equal with actual discussions about these things.” (drunkersloth42)

“I asked a bisexual woman what it was like dating women online. She enlightened me that there’s a lot of shyly indicating interest but expecting the other person to make the first move. Since both people have that expectation, it’s extremely difficult to even get a real date. That seems to corroborate with your comment.” (murder_kitty)

“I’m a girly girl who likes girly girls. I hated the expectation that I had to fill a male role. I’m not a bad looking chick, but with my ex I felt like a fat sweaty bald dude who was constantly in trouble. Men are easier to date, in my experience.” (FeelinLikeALoadedGun)

“One nice thing about dating women is that both people feel like they’re “winning” if they sleep together. Whereas with guys I worry that it will feel more like I’m “losing” something if we sleep together early on.” (penregrate)

“I find that this Louis CK quote sums up my experiences quite nicely: “A man will, like, steal your car or burn your house down or beat the s**t out of you, but … Women are non-violent, but they will s**t inside of your heart.” (CocaChola)

“I’m an asexual woman, but have dated both men and women – before anyone asks, yes, they were aware of/chill with my asexuality before we got together. Overall, I found my relationships with women have been much more tactile. Casual touching was more frequent, and there was an understanding that if one of us needed a hug, it was okay to ask for one.” (Schedirhas-been)

“I think the more interesting thing about dating both men and women isn’t the differences, it’s the similarities. What makes men happy tends to make women happy, on a relationship level…honesty, openness, kicking your pride down a notch every now and then. What makes women angry tends to make men angry. Dishonesty, disloyalty, keeping that argument going for no good reason.” (wjescott)

“When it comes to kissing, men are overall rougher. Women are…the best kissers in the entire world. No question. Kissing women is soft and simple, but it can heat up real fucking quick. Making out with a girl is one of my favorite activities (I might even like it more than gaming).” (graduallemon)

“Relationships are work. It really doesn’t matter what gender you are, or if you’re gay, straight, bi, etc. I’m speaking as a 43-year-old straight guy who has been married and divorced twice. Both marriages lasted about 10 years. The second one I had children. I got lucky the third time around and found the right woman.” (King_Baboon)

20Nutrition for

“Dating girls often comes with far more unwritten rules and roles. When you date another guy, there isn’t as much pressure to be the one paying for the date, or to be the emotional support without reciprocation. I’m well aware this sounds kinda fedora-tippy, but that’s some of my more negative experiences of dating some women, and the point is they never happen with guys.” (popebarley)

“Disposition. The women I’ve dated will agree to go places or doing things even if they really don’t like it. One girl I dated hated hummus but would try some anyway when I would snack on it. With dudes I’ve dated, it’d be a straight up ‘Nah.’” (montelco)

Portrait of a happy couple smiling together outdoors

“It’s a lot less embarrassing getting caught on the red when you’re staying over at a girl’s place early on in the relationship than when you’re staying with a guy.’Oh, right. Is that… normal?’ as opposed to ‘Top drawer in the bathroom, take your pick. Do you need a change of pants too?’” (Portarossa)

“Women are more emotionally available and articulate. Men are more physically available. When it comes to actual dating, I prefer women, because I get to feel more emotionally supportive and supported. If I need a bj, and I need it like right now, going to scruff city.” (throwingitaway724)

“At its best, my ex-girlfriends would be able to clearly and articulately express their feelings in a way that I, emotionally stunted man that I am, cannot. At other times I would feel bewildered as they found hidden meanings in things I said or did that I never intended. In my experience, men are more inclined to take what you say and do at face value and not think too deeply about other people’s motivations or thoughts.” (throwaway976285)

“Man who has dated men and women, currently dating a man. Anecdotally, with the men I’ve dated, things are always surface deep. When “What do you wanna do for dinner?” gets an “I don’t care.” it means just that as opposed to the girls I’ve dated that get ticked off when you respond with “Alright, we’ll just do leftovers then.” (deleted)

“Guys always made such a big deal of gender, while with women it always felt so non-existent. Like it was never ridiculous stereotypes or assumptions. Like guys who want me impressed they know how to use more than just a microwave or know how to use washer/dryer. That’s not impressive, that’s expected.” (moxymike)

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