Women have to contend with a lot of creepiness from guys, so it’s satisfying to see d-bags get their comeuppance. Here are 24 stories of women who had the perfect comebacks to creeps.
“Told him I was obsessed with a celebrity who was sending me secret messages via paparazzi photos.” (FL2PC7TLE)
“This guy wouldn’t stop texting me after a horrible date, so I sent him a long text about how I couldn’t wait to get married because then I could “just have a bunch of babies and not have to get a job” and how my only goal in life was to live off my husband’s money (he was obsessed with the idea that women only date men for their money, despite the fact that he was broke and lived with his mom). He stopped texting me immediately.” (GiveHerTheWorks)
“I once told a guy at a party that his personality was so disgusting it made me want to vomit. He didn’t believe me and continued to hit on me. So I voluntarily vomited on him just to get my point across.” (Mandylee123)
“One time on the public transit, a fully grown man wouldn’t leave my fifteen-year-old sister alone, even though she was knitting and clearly didn’t want to talk to him. So, when he tried to grab her arm, she stabbed him with her needles. Direct action.” (Free-Shavacadoo)
“He kept writing me texts saying stuff like, “Baby we were meant to be together, if you give me a chance, please baby!” so I acted like a crazy person and sent him the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s “Changing of The Guards” and gave him an in-depth analysis on how these lyrics were a sign from some great cosmic being and made up bs about how I found connections in the lyrics to our new relationship.” (GiraffePolka)
“Called his grandmother.
I was working at a diner in college after moving back to my hometown. I reconnect with a childhood friend, have some polite conversation but maintain strict boundaries.
Then he started showing up at my workplace. Every single day.
And hit on me relentlessly.
It got to the point where he would come in, buy a coffee or a soda, and then hang out for hours until my shift was over so he could follow me to my car. I wasn’t allowed to kick him out of the diner because “hey he’s a paying customer!” And I didn’t think I could call the cops. I told him over and over and over again to leave me alone, but of course, nothing. At one point he went into the diner while I was in class (because of course, he had memorized my schedule like a creepy little worm) and convinced my boss that he was my cousin and he had to get my phone number from her because “our” grandmother had had an accident.
That was the final straw. I went home, called my great grandma and got her to pull his grandmother’s phone number out of her address book. We had a great talk and she put the beat down on him I guess because I never saw him again after that.” (childerolande)
“I made a fake profile for a 50-year-old businessman with all my contact info to prove to him that I wasn’t the girl he was interested in (he had taken my personal information from a logbook at a church event). Ah, to be a teenager again” (deleted)
“I went on a bad date, but the guy wouldn’t stop texting me. He was very explicit on how he wanted to have sex with me, how hot I was, describing how he wants to perform BDSM acts on me. For about two weeks. I got so fed up when he wouldn’t stop asking me for nudes, I just sent him pictures of naked old men, and sometimes of my turds.” (Roller_Skate_Cake)
“Told him I was married, at age 12.” (pr1nc355P0w3rfu1)
“I talk about my period. How I’m actually on my period right now. I talk about how strong it gets sometimes because of PCOS, how much it hurts and I tend to throw up from the pain. I get graphic and as detailed as possible, how I ruin clothing from blood leaks, about tampons and pads and the pros and cons of using menstrual cups. I do all of this in a tone that is a little bit louder than my normal speaking voice, a little bit more animated and almost excited, but not too excited. Almost like I enjoy talking about this and am glad to have found someone who will sit and listen to me about it. It doesn’t take long for them to get super uncomfortable and exit the situation.” (sykotikkytten)
“Once this guy kept asking me what my name was, I told him I didn’t have one and then walked away.” (Airlettuce)
“Had my mom tell him I was dead.” DefectiveCookie
“After me and my ex broke up, he stalked me for two years. He would text me every so often and I would be polite and ask him how he was, then he would start to insult me when I didn’t want to hang out with him (he cheated on me with another girl). After getting sick of his random text messages, I pretended that it wasn’t my number. When he messaged me, I said “who is this” he was like you know who it is. I replied with “I just got this number and guys are constantly texting it for this chick named —” My ex apologized and I never heard from him again.” (slj1)
“I tell people I have 7 kids. Tell them I’ve been married four times. And I have a great relationship with my father. Then they leave me alone.” (acamarillo)
“Told a guy in a bar that I made a living f—ing endangered animals and putting the videos on my website. You could access it for a mere $49.99 a month. That actually piqued his interest further so I played dead. Literally. Just slumped to the floor and stopped moving. He wasn’t sure what to do for a minute but then he left me alone.” (CapnMuricasMommy)
“Attempted to convert him to Mormonism.” (Crikey-Way)
“On NYE this year, my friends and I were at this bar and this group of guys would not leave us alone, even when we told them we weren’t interested in talking to dudes. They were super hung up on buying us drinks, so finally, my friend and I (on the same page) chirped, “Actually, why don’t you let us buy YOU drinks?” Promptly got the bartender to make the nastiest thing he could think of: bottom shelf tequila and hot sauce. Two of the guys threw up and the rest scattered.” (smutwitch)
“My aunt spit her food into the mouth of a first date who would not stop trying to kiss her at some outdoor festival.” (ronin1066)
“One of my high school teachers told us a story about her friend who was out walking late at night on some pretty quiet streets. Some guy started following her, walking faster when she did and slowly gaining. She was really creeped out but there was nowhere to go – so she stopped, crouched down and started pretending to eat the grass. The guy immediately turned and walked away quickly.” (confictura_22)
“I told him I was pregnant (we hadn’t had sex.) He stopped calling!” (EuphorbiaEuphoria)
“Some dude thought it would be hot to hook up with the chick in the band, so I tuned and retuned and retuned my drum kit for a full three hours while shushing him every time he talked. I ‘needed the silence’. He gave up eventually.” (Kanotari)
“I persuaded him that I always wax my boyfriend’s balls. He knew I was single, but I said that as a prerequisite and was relentless about it being the best. He awkwardly scuttled away. Outcreeped the creeper!” (demmitidem)
“Pretended to be my own twin. Between when the guy got creepy after meeting and chatting once, and when he saw me again at school, I had chopped off my hair and dyed it a funky red. He approached me and awkward me pretended not to know who he was and then was like “oh, damn, that must have been my sister.”‘ (deleted)
“I like writing in the local coffee shop; the coffee keeps me awake and the environment helps me concentrate. What I don’t like is men trying to hit on me when I’m clearly in the middle of working. One guy really got on my nerves by refusing to stop talking to me and THEN insulting my politics. So, when he asked me if he could buy me a coffee I looked him straight in the eyes, my large iced capp sitting in front of me and said, “I don’t drink coffee.” He then asked if he could buy me a doughnut, or anything else from the store. I told him, deadpan, ‘I also don’t eat doughnuts.’ I think he finally got the message.” (Samwise-Vimes)
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