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5 Habits Of People With Depression

People Are Sharing Crappy Life Tips, And They’re Just Too Funny

Are you tired of seeing inane life hacks with their unrealistic promises of making your life better?

Well, the best new trend in life hacks is hacks that promise to make your life way, way worse! Online communities like “r/sh*ttylifeprotips” on Reddit are dedicated to life-hacks that aren’t helpful, safe, or even doable.

Read on to discover some of the best…and, if it’s not already obvious, don’t try these at home!

Food Tips:

“Trying to scoop ice cream, but it’s too hard? Microwave your spoon for 30 seconds.” (no-u-tofu)

“Immediately lunge desperately at your food when brought by a waiter to avoid insult” (ZestyWoodchips)

“Lie the toaster down flat, put some cheese on top of the bread, BOOM! TOAST N CHEESE!” (deleted)

“Did the doctor tell you your arteries are clogging up? Just drink a cup or two of melted butter, it will lubricate them and make them as good as new!” (JustinML99)

“Spit out your food before speaking and eat it again after you’re done speaking to avoid talking with your mouth full.” (____okay)

“Adding a couple king-size Snickers bars to the blender really makes diet shakes satisfying.” (rip1980)

“To save time, try calling foods “disappointing” instead of “gluten-free.”‘ (deepsoulfunk)

“If you’re calorie counting; order a healthy meal and then eat the food on your partner’s plate. You didn’t order it, you can’t get the calories.” (AshlynBootrobba)

“Avoid the temptation to snack on leftovers by eating everything at once.” (comma_chameleon)

“The popcorn on the floor of the movie theater is basically free food. I like to call it “dropcorn.”‘ (RonPalancik)

Cleveland Health

Creativity

“Next time you can’t remember the name of a book, song or movie, publish/compose/direct your own version based on whatever you can remember and release it as your own. Then you patiently wait to see who sues you.” (tommythehandsome)

“Write a story about an aging professor who is contemplating infidelity with his young student. The world always needs more of those!” (guyinyourmfa)

Fine Art Tips

Politics:

“This Thanksgiving if you’re having trouble getting a dialogue going at dinner, bring up politics, religion and gun control. These are all topics that people have opinions on and can speak rationally about.” (colinmccavitt)

“If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.” (Mustaline)

“Do you suffer from low blood pressure? Read the news every day to raise your blood pressure to normal levels.” (SittingInFear)

Know Your Meme

Planes, Trains, And Automobiles:

“If you have trouble finding your car in the parking lot, maybe your car doesn’t want to be found.” (stolen_loom)

“All current cars are self-driving if you have access to a brick.” (faxinator)

“Wanna be more mysterious? Of course, you do. Don’t use your blinker when driving.” (Dr_T_Sox)

Home Improvement

“If you spilled grapefruit juice on your couch but you can’t afford a new one, just cover the entire couch with the juice.” (WorldIsDeadassFlat)

“Take clean dishes out of the cabinet, wet them in the sink, and place them on the drying rack. Your roommates will think you usually clean a few dishes every day.” (TheBoiledHam)

“Leave the vacuum out at all times so you can always tell visitors that you were just about to clean, in order to give the illusion that you place “isn’t usually this messy.”’ (rustedironchef)

Safety First

“Can’t afford fancy home security systems? Just leave your porch light on and have a speaker outside that randomly blasts: “I’m calling the cops!” and “I see you, dirtbag!” (xxPoLyGLoTxx)

“Always run when you have scissors and other sharp objects in hand. Since these items can be dangerous it’s important to remember that the faster you move, the faster you can get rid of them!” (QVeezy)

“Always put your address on your keys. Then, if they get lost, a kind stranger will be able to return them.” (Ehealey94)

Money Matters:

“While waiting to use the ATM, stand as close as possible to the person using it so they know you will protect them against a robber.” (Anarchopunk123)

“Don’t check your pockets before doing laundry. Finding the check you’ve been looking for the past couple weeks at the bottom of the washer is great motivation to move your clothes to the dryer!” (Pioneer49)

“Spend all your money as soon as you get it so that nobody can steal it from you.” (Tall_Mickey)

“There’s a secret retailers don’t want you to know: you can save serious money by just shoplifting.” (WalkingCloud)

Meridian

Crime and Punishment:

“If the police stop you while drunk driving, make sure to hide all of your booze by drinking it.” (deleted)

“Use everyday cues to remind you to jog. Pick something fairly common to keep it routine such as when you see a cop or police car.” (Nekopawed)

“If you are feeling lonely or sad just try to run through a TSA checkpoint. So many hugs!!!!” (WOT_IF_UR_LEGS)

Jobs:

“On your first day at work, find the CEO and beat him. You’ll establish dominance, and the other employees will respect you.” (risenphoenixkai)

“Does your job not pay well? Just become self-employed, and you can pay yourself as much as you want.” (RyderSmith2600)

Motivational:

“You can’t lose games if you don’t show up to them.” (SnowFoot)

“If you lack the motivation to do something important, use the 6 seconds rule: count to 6, and then don’t do it!” (we_re_all_dead)

“Aspiring artist? Quit your job so you can focus just on making dope art. Use your net worth to buy art supplies, and then use your mob connections to take out a loan to pay your rent. This way, your incentive to succeed is literally a matter of life and death! #Motivation.” (MTorkelson)

Fire Safety

“Teach a man how to make a fire and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life!” (ExxInferis)

“Want to save money on smoke detectors? Buy loads of popcorn kernels instead! You’ll hear them popping if there’s a fire, and you’ll also get a tasty snack while you watch all your belongings burn down to the ground.” (hamurura)

“Position your desk in front of the fire escape for a quick exit in case of emergencies. (bbtwitch)

BBC

Drugs

“Want to do drugs without developing an addiction? Make sure you do a large variety of drugs to avoid becoming dependent on any one in particular.” (DangerZoneh)

“If a police officer pulls you over, offer to share your drugs with him as a bribe. He’ll let you off easy!” (intrusive_thot)

“If you’re a parent, you should do heroin. Your kids will think drugs aren’t cool and they’ll never do it.” (rubenvd)

Alcohol

“If you drink enough alcohol you won’t feel any pain.” (_HowdWeGetHere_)

“Embarrassed by the stupid things you did the last time you drank? That just means you’re not drinking enough; if you drank enough, you wouldn’t remember any of it!” (murderball)

“Too young to buy alcohol? Join the military. Most liquor stores will accept a military ID.” (TotalCarrot)

EatRightOntario

Memory

“Can’t remember the reason you told yourself not to do something? Try doing said thing, and see what happens, and you will probably find out what your reason was!” (Workercast)

“To avoid losing your keys, lock them in your car for safekeeping!” (mayjgj88)

“Ever forget the current year? Take your birth year and add your age to it!” (Sertexia)

dyslexia.com

Internet

“Screw around on /r/askreddit until 2:00 am instead of finishing that paper that’s due tomorrow morning.” (deleted)

“Feeling bad about yourself? Picking a fight with an internet stranger is sure to boost your mood and sharpen your vocabulary!” (verysanecatlady)

Tech

“Phone battery dead? Microwave it for two minutes to charge it (especially with the new Apple X.)” (najing_ftw)

“Keep loud music playing on your phone all the time so you can always find it in your house.” (Killer_nutrias)

“Make all of your passwords ‘password.’ No one will suspect it!” (Osmosisparrot)

CBC

Etiquette:

“If you stand on a balcony or something similar, looking down on people, you should tell men with thinning hair what you see. They might not know it themselves yet.” (ssbssbssb)

“If someone doesn’t say “bless you” after you sneeze, maybe they aren’t being rude but just didn’t notice. Aim your next sneeze at them and they will be more polite.” (Boozlebob)

“Wear the same clothes every day. People will think you keep your clothes very clean!” (SpazyLlama)

“At the movie pour a drink on the seat in front of you so no one can sit there.” (Po1sonator)

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus:

“If a woman has her headphones in on the subway, she’s clearly interested in music, and would really appreciate it if you walked over and gave her music recommendations! (Avocado_Toast)

“If you’re a nice guy make sure to repeatedly say you’re a nice guy to any girl you talk to. Otherwise, how will they know?” (HelenaBottle)

The Bump

Communication:

“Test your partner’s ability to handle big relationship steps by pretending to get pregnant!” (twitchy_taco)

“If you tell someone bad news via text you don’t have to deal with their reaction in person.” (adampant)

“When your SO asks you where you want to eat, say “IDK you choose.” Then disagree with every suggestion they make. This fun game is known as restaurant roulette.” (bbtwitch)

“If someone says “I love you” and you don’t feel the same way, just say “I love Youtube” really fast.” (Raidouken)

Flirting Tips:

“Don’t wanna give someone your phone number when they ask for it? Just give them your social security number instead. They cannot call your social security number!” (Bush_Did_4_20)

“Don’t wait until the 2nd date to tell a girl you love her. A lot of girls don’t want to wait that long to hear it.” (bugaosuni)

“Fellas, if it’s late at night and the lady in front of you starts walking faster, pick up your pace. She’s challenging you to a race! Women love to test guys, it’s their way of flirting.”(Mikey77777)

20th Century Fox

Animal Instinct:

“If you’re ever being chased by an animal, just lie on the ground for 5 seconds. The animal can’t eat you due to the 5-second rule.” (SnowyFoot)

“Having difficulty getting your dog to swallow pills from the vet? Just hide it inside some delicious chocolate.” (ANG3R3D_F3TUS)

“In order to prevent water freezing in bird baths, just add some antifreeze to the water. Now, birds in your yard can bathe throughout the year.” (salihordek)

Kathy Miller

Relationships

“Destroy all of your relationships before the holidays to avoid spending money on presents!” (bbbbbbbbbbbbn)

“If you are holding your baby and he/she starts to poop, quickly hand him/her to your spouse and make an excuse to leave the room.” (mmobile_play)

“Have kids to save a relationship.” (Capito_Josh)

Health Habits

“Shoot yourself with small caliber bullets to build an immunity to larger ones.” (Lovebot_AI)

“Don’t brush your teeth. If you do, then you get rid of all the bad stuff on them. How are your teeth supposed to grow up big and strong, if you don’t subject them to things to grow resistances?” (Shabloopie)

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