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Doctors Are Sharing Their Funniest and Stupidest Patient Stories

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Doctors are usually regarded as the pinnacle of knowledge or the epitome of high-level education but apparently, some people don’t always listen to doctors.

Over the course of a year, approximately 83 percent of adults will visit a health care professional at least once. And for children, that number skyrockets to 93 percent. And for hospitals, there are annually about 125 million visits versus private physician’s offices which average almost 885 million visits a year. The most commonly diagnosed condition is ‘essential hypertension’ and the most common reason for a visit is for medication.

So with all these visits and all these people, within just a year, doctors must go through a wide assortment of faces, bodies, and attitudes. So at Providr, we decided to scour the internet in search of stories from doctors themselves that showed how funny, silly or downright stupid some of their patients were. Whether it be ignoring their medical advice or blatantly going against what they say, here is a compilation of hilarious stories from the health care professionals themselves.

‘I had a guy come into the emergency room once with burns on his lower extremities. Apparently, he had been trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard (a flamethrower) while being extremely inebriated. His shoes and the bottoms of his pants were almost completely burned away.’ (Sanfranshan)

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‘Once I had an older patient who got a little frisky. ‘You remind me of my third husband,’ she said coyly. ‘Third husband?’ I asked. ‘How many have you had?’ ‘Two.’ I couldn’t help but feel flattered from the compliment.’ (Dr. Leon Pendracky)

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‘After getting my wisdom teeth removed, my dad said I stepped out of the room and demanded that I get my teeth in a bag and started calling people ‘charlatans’ in an old-timey voice. He wouldn’t stop calling me Lord Molar for at least half a year.’ (CrossFox42)

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‘I once had a nasty and painful ingrown toenail removed and when I went to visit my doctor he had just the reassuring thing to say. ‘Don’t worry about a thing, I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.’’ (Chelsea Bender)

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‘As a nurse, I am used to handing patients the urine container where we can send it off for analysis. I once handed it to this older gentleman and directed him to the washroom. He came back out with it empty and said: ‘thanks, but there was a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.’ (Travis Stork)

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‘I was at a urologist’s office when the power outage kept going on and off. As he is finishing the examination the lights go off. He gets up to go check on things. Fifteen minutes later the lights come back on and a nurse walks in asking if I need an appointment. To the nurse, I was just some guy who had walked in and pulled his pants down and left the door open.’ (Anonymous)

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‘A couple was in therapy because neither one of them enjoyed sex or ever had an orgasm. After having them talk through step by step what they did in bed, I learned that the guy was just sticking it in and nothing else. So I told him that there needed to be some movement involved and since then they have not required any more sessions.’ (blake41185)

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‘I once asked a female patient with dementia what year it was and she said, “a nice young lady like you shouldn’t be concerned with such things.’ Firstly I’m not a lady and secondly, if she didn’t notice the beard then she wasn’t going to understand an explanation either.’ (auraseer)

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‘I once had a patient complain about her medication tasting awful. Apparently, her earache was getting better but she just couldn’t stand the taste. Little did she realize that ear drops were meant to be dropped in the ear and not on the tongue.’ (Manny Grossan)

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‘A child was just coming out of surgery and coming to when he blurted out ‘I’m f***in liiiit, I’m gonna do so many drugs when I get older.’ His parents found it hilarious and cute but I’m pretty sure our anaesthesiologist just created a monster.’ (leroy020)

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‘It was 2 am in the ER when a guy and his girlfriend rushed into the ER claiming that there was something in his mouth. It turned out to be his uvula and when he didn’t believe me I had to show him his girlfriend’s so that he would believe that all humans had one.’ (Hathathn)

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‘A mother was rushed to the ER saying that she was going to die. Her husband was worried and after a battery of tests, the doctors could not determine what was wrong. Turns out she accidentally ate some of her son’s space cakes and was in fact just stoned.’ (undertheraduh)

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‘I had a morbidly obese man once come into the ER and he complained about being thirsty during his wait. I was going to bring him some water when his family members told me of his ‘water allergy.’ Apparently, he had been drinking nothing but Sprite and sweet tea in the past 5 years.’ (jsellars8)

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‘I once saw a mother give what looked to be chocolate milk to her infant. When I kindly told her that she shouldn’t give chocolate milk to her baby she said ‘oh that’s not chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He loves it!’ (GJenkss)

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‘I once had a woman, who was in active labor, insist that she wasn’t pregnant. She said her period ‘was like ten months ago’ and deduced that she was in menopause. She was 25 at the time, and did I mention in active labor?’ (Kaylinwriter14)

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‘It was during surgery when I accidentally bumped heads with a fellow surgeon. I said ‘ahh, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds,’ just laughing it off. That’s when he mumbled: ‘Yes, and I felt so alone.’’ (Sid Schwab)

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‘While in dental school, my friend pulled out several destroyed teeth on an adult male. After the procedure was finished and the instructions were given, the man asked: ‘so when should I expect my new teeth to grow in?’ He was not joking.’ (icecreamsoup)

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‘At the time I was an anesthesia student and I was doing my clinical rotations. I met an old guy and when he woke up the first thing he asked me was ‘do I still have my balls?’ When I told him that he had both of them he said ‘both? Aww you guys are great.’

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‘I was conducting a sleep study once and was handing the results back to a girl when I told her ‘it looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.’ Her first response to that question was ‘did I start back?’ (Michael Breus)

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‘I am a dental hygienist and I remember having to spend just under an hour explaining to a 40-year-old woman why it was a bad idea to use a cleaner as toothpaste. And I also had to repeatedly tell her why it was bad to paint her teeth with white fingernail polish.’ (Legacy0904)

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‘I had a guy walk into my office once grabbing his back and complaining of a very sharp pain. When I asked him what happened he said he slipped in a grocery store and really hurt himself. When I asked where he was hurt he told me ‘aisle six.’ (John Munshower)

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‘I was working in the office once when a pregnant woman’s car got broken into. Turns out the only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. But in reality, the bag was where she was keeping her urine sample which she was going to bring in to be tested.’ (Janet Grow)

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‘I had a patient complain of dizziness all the time and when I asked her if she had ever been diagnosed with vertigo her daughter quickly chimed in and said ‘oh no she’s a Libra.’ I laughed out loud thinking she was joking but apparently she was serious.’ (tbmtonada)

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‘I had a woman in an emergency room who was literally about to give birth tell me that she was not going into labor since her app said she wasn’t ready yet. I could almost see the top of her daughter’s head but what do I know? Keep asking Apple for your medical advice.’ (Kalel_is_king)

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