What did we do to deserve dogs? Seriously, when evolution/god/whatever was creating the world, what made it/him/whatever think we were worthy of such amazing, loving creatures?
Surely we’ve never done anything in human history that would allow us to have dogs? And if we have, surely we’ve done something even worse to make us undeserving. Anyways, we have dogs, so let’s enjoy them and all their doggy goodness.
Here are 25 Funny Dog Tweets That Are Too Relatable.
1. More like employee of a lifetime. Yes, she’s an amazing co-worker. Always comes when she’s called, always completes her task at hand whether it be sit OR stay. I do have a problem with her always eating my lunch, but I hope some time in the HR crate will set her straight.
2. Well, of course, what were you expecting? Everyone has a co-pilot when they’re driving. I myself have my best friend Brendan, some people will choose their spouse and this lady obviously has her dog. It makes sense, he always picks the best music.
3. I bet you’re more heartbroken when you leave your dog, too. Yeah sure, it’s nice to see your parents but when was the last time your dad tried to jump up and lick your face? Actually, maybe it’s better if he didn’t.
4. Luckily, dogs can’t spell, which is why you always spell it if you’re talking about going on a W-A-L-K. Just so the lil fella doesn’t get all needlessly excited. You don’t want to tease your poor dog! Imagine the sad look on their face when they find out they’re not actually going W-A-L-K-I-N-G?
5. It’s so easy for them, isn’t it? Darn, if dogs weren’t so expensive maybe we’d have less of a mental health crisis amongst the youth of our nation. Imagine it; instead of going home to Adderall and ramen noodles you come home to a smiling, slobbering mutt? It would instantly make university more bearable!
6. I mean, why else would you need a job? Listen, my dog is a high-class dog. I won’t send him to public doggy training centers, I will only send him to the finest trainers in the land. Those $10,000 a week sessions from Ceasar Milan don’t pay for themselves, you know!
7. I must’ve been through about a million girls, I’d love ’em then I’d leave ’em alone. Unfortunately for other people, I love their dogs and never leave them alone. In fact, they usually have to get restraining orders against me to force me to leave them alone. It never works!
8. A world run by dogs where the roles have been reversed and now they are the masters. I think I’ll call this genius idea… Rise of the War for the Revenge of the Planet of the Dogs. A genius idea indeed.
9. This has to end! When are you going to grow up and act like the adult dog you are, Mr. Snuffly-Wuffly? It was at that moment Mr. Snuffly-Wuffly joined an insurance firm and began paying into his pension. Sure, it’s a modest $45,000 annually, but it pays the bills.
10. The great dog heist of 2001. I remember this… The guy was driving a white Bronco, there was a long line of cops chasing after him, it was all over the news. I remember it because the dog had its head stuck out the window, barking ‘you’ll never take me alive, pigs!’
11. Hey, I see you got some food there, buddy! Oh, look at his precious little face! Honestly, how do dog owners have the ability to say no to their puppies? If I had a dog, he would be viciously overweight, which is probably why it’s good I don’t have a dog.
12. And here’s him still being the cutest dog ever, and here’s him still being the cutest dog ever, and here’s him– I can see how this would get annoying, but please don’t hesitate to show me pictures of your dog. In fact, step it up and bring me your dog so I can enjoy them in person.
13. Listen, we can’t all be as socially acceptable as dogs, okay? Listen, all the things that make a dog cute make me a gross human being. I’m covered in hair, I breathe through my mouth and drool a lot, I’m way too clingy… No wonder I’m so socially awkward!
14. Dr. Moreau, eat your heart out! If I was to be crossbred with a dog, I’d want a German Shepherd or something, but to each their own. Feel free to send your dog pictures to us here at Providr and tell us which dog you’d like to be crossbred with.
15. That’s both sad and touching at the same time! I honestly can’t decide which, mostly because I’m not a mean high school student… anymore. But if the kids at her school are anything like the kids use to be at mine… it was probably best if she didn’t put that on Twitter, is my point.
16. I gotta say, I’m a little divided on the ‘treating your dog like a baby’ issue. For one, you want to establish a good master/pet relationship with your puppy so it doesn’t take advantage of you… but then again, how could you not? Look at the little guy!
17. Hey, how did you get access to my phone? Listen, I just get really attached to dogs, okay? Obviously, this wasn’t me, I would never walk a dog that wasn’t my own unless I was with the owner since I’m not a professional dog walker. Also, I wouldn’t trust myself to bring their dog back.
18. Eli… what are these? Listen, pup, they were just little flings, I was there for an afternoon, they meant nothing to me! Yeah, but it meant something to me, Eli. I think it’s best that you go. Pup, please… JUST GO ELI! JUST GO! Side note: Fireworks and vacuums might not be the most convincing of folder names.
19. Imagine if we could? God, the possibilities! I think the greatest perk to that would be that I wouldn’t look like a crazy person when I have a conversation with a dog, because it would actually be responding to me. Instead of me just picturing what it’s probably saying to me.
20. Wait, do dogs actually do this? Do you set up an account for your dog? Do they subscribe to things, leave comments like ‘woof’ or ‘bark’? I swear officer, that’s how all that stuff must’ve got in my search history, it was my dog! Aside from making the best companions, they also make a great excuse after getting called out for ghosting someone!
21. That dog looks like it wants to look into my soul. ‘So you say you’ve been having self-esteem issues and that it’s been bleeding into your work. Have you tried giving yourself a treat and getting someone to call you a good boy? I see… This is very problematic indeed…’
22. Well of course you do, you don’t want your dog to be watching terrible TV all day. I mean, you could put on Sportsnet and have him watch the exact same highlights all day, but then again he would probably become a Pats fan and then you’d have to bring him back to the shelter.
23. I’m sure your dog really appreciates that. No sarcasm, actually. I don’t know the psychology of dogs all that well, but I’m sure it’s nice for them when we reassure them we’ve also got their back just as much as they have ours. Relationships go two ways, you know.
24. See, this is why we need to be able to talk to dogs! They just need to know that we’re not leaving them forever, but going to work so that they can be fed and have toys and a home and stuff. I’m sure they wouldn’t be as sad, especially if you put on a decent channel while you’re gone.
25. My cousin in law once had the cops called on him because he left his dog in the car. The AC was on, the car was blasting air and the windows were down, but I guess because he forgot to leave a note some crazy lady called the cops on him. Ah well, at least it shows how much we love dogs! What did we ever do to deserve them, seriously?
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