There’s nothing worse than waking up from an alcohol infused night and scavenging through your phone (if you still have it) to find the answers you don’t know if you really want to know. From the missed calls to the blurry camera roll with questionable time stamps, it doesn’t take long before you begin to utter through a gravely throat, the classic line, “I’m never drinking again.”
However, missed calls and call logs are one thing, but re-reading last night’s sloppy text messages is a shame spiral like no other.
Whether it’s a conversation with someone sober or someone recapping your night for you, the idea of ignorance being bliss becomes much more appreciated. Here are 25 hilarious drunk text messages that show why you should never drink and text.
1. Whoever created autocorrect probably didn’t take into consideration the wrath of drunk fingers. Despite the jumbled words and car brands on display here, anyone who has been in this intoxicated texter’s position knows exactly what they mean. The chances that this person ended up dropping their phone in the toilet while trying to decipher their own messages with one squinted eye? High.
2. Every now and then we like to put a little bit of faith in our drunken autopilots and hope that we remained quasi-reasonable human beings — despite not remembering a single thing. Unfortunately, there will always be that friend that has been waiting for the moment you arise just to tell you exactly how drunk you were the night prior.
3. It is very rare that a text message sent after 3am is a good idea. The only time anyone who is not equally as drunk as you wants to hear their phone ding at these hours is if it is for an absolute emergency. However, you have to appreciate this guy’s grammatical composure in the light of his heroic epiphany.
4. There are some people who drink a little too much in an evening and there are those who reach an ‘absolutely nothing in moderation’ point where the limit does not exist. It sounds like the recipient of this text is a roommate and judging by these absinthe-induced text messages, coming home would be one frightening experience.
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