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The Dumbest Drunk Facebook Posts You’ll Be Glad You Didn’t Write

drunkfacebookposts

It’s embarrassing to make mistakes and have everyone you know see you at your worst. That’s why you should always think before you post anything to your social media, especially if it’s something unsavory. The good news is that if someone does something horrible while they’re drunk and you read about it on their Facebook, it gives you the option to delete them if you wish. The worst drunks take part in:

  • Drunk driving
  • Vandalism
  • Hooliganism

How someone behaves when they’re drunk says a lot about a person. But what’s more telling is how their friends react to this behavior.

Here are some Facebook posts that will make you feel better about your ability to handle alcohol: 

This texting and driving critic. She wrote that she thought the cop in front of her was a bit drunk because he was swerving. A friend responded flawlessly by pointing out the hypocrisy in her observation; her status shows that she texted via android while she was driving (presumably).

1failbook

This happy wine drinker. She thanked the anonymous lovely person who ordered her a mysterious bottle of wine, and she was polite enough to thank them on social media. Then she had to clarify that she had actually ordered it while she was drunk. What a twist!

2failbook

Lucy is full of lies. She wrote that she had a good birthday yesterday, and that she loves all of her friends. Then she speculates that she might still be drunk and woozy. Charles comes to the rescue with the facts and points out that he’s sitting across from her in the library, and the she’s very sober.

3failbook

The comedic timing of this picture. This lovely woman was throwing up so much into a trash can that a total stranger behind her was repulsed, and didn’t have a choice but to join in. That poor man! Maybe they bonded over this experience.

4failbook


This person shared three pictures of beer on a counter, for no reason. Then he followed up his post to bemoan the fact that people assume all of his headaches are a hangover. It doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to solve a case, and to put two and two together with the images to figure it out. It’s not a surprise that most people assume his headaches are hangovers.

5failbook

This marriage is headed down a dark path. Marina wrote that she was having the worst morning when she got woken up by a morning call from a blocked number. It turns out her husband called her from jail to let her know that he hit several of the neighbor cars while driving around drunk. It’s just “one of those days” she writes. Marina is too calm about this, she needs to be more alarmed by the fact that her husband drove while under the influence of alcohol.

6failbook

Sami is the purest kind of drunk. So innocent and harmless, she decided she wants to go play in the snow and left her friends guessing if she drunk or not. Then she confirms that she is drunk. This is such a wholesome paragraph in a sea of drunk drivers and rude people.

7failbook

Drunken mistakes stay with you forever, writes a wise man. Then everyone starts to wonder, what did he mean? Did he get someone pregnant? Did he crash into an unsuspecting family? And then the man himself provides some answers. The mistake’s name was Colleen.

8failbook


Ah yes, the law sucks, because it demands something from you and also asks you to pay for it. At first we’re left to wonder what this person is going on about, and a friend asks her if this is about licence, insurance, registration, electricity, water or trash pickup. Then this person, bless him or her, clarifies something that was best left in the darkness. He’s talking about a car breathalyzer, and he can’t drive for free until he’s off probation.

9failbook

This bored person should have found a puzzle to solve, instead of sharing his opinion online. It’s mind-boggling and offensive to say the least, and it shows that he has no understanding of geography, history, spelling, or the most basic knowledge of how the world works. Her friends were more disappointed with the fact that they befriended this person than with his lack of intelligence.

10failbook

Emily is the worst kind of drunk. She passed out and when she came to she was screaming at and kicking a girl in front of her, possibly the person trying to stop her from committing the heinous act of soiling the floor. I commend that stranger for trying her best to stop Emily, but it doesn’t look like it worked.

11failbook

This man is what’s wrong with humanity. Classic drunk driving? In what world is that something you show off? It gets worse with the sinister winky face and the haunting “whoever’s vehicle I hit I am sorry.” Were there any people in the vehicle he hit? Someone ban this man from driving for the rest of his life.

12failbook


The opposite of counting your sober days: counting how many days in a row you’ve been drunk. This kind of post should lead you to believe it’s a cry for help. This person needs support and a loving friend who can guide them through these dark times. It could also be a comment on the fact that alcohol, the cause of many drunk-driving accidents, is legal but smoking pot isn’t.

13failbook

This man is drunk and driving, and he’s enjoying it. The good thing is he has loving and caring friends to advise him to stop this behavior, the bad news is that it looks like he doesn’t like being told what to do. Bianca reassures him he’s an awesome guy, but that drunk driving puts the lives of others at risk and he should think of those lives. Ron is too proud to accept this and tells her to unfriend him. Bad Ron!

14failbook

This person liked two pages one after the other, and the irony is sweet. The first page he liked is “That friend who’s showing all the early signs of an alcoholic” and “Getting drunk!”

15failbook

Miss Oral is going through something that you would never wish upon your worst enemy: a puke freezer. It was definitely the act of a rogue drunk person who must have opened the freezer looking for ice cream, then the sickness hit them, and they couldn’t turn away.

16failbook

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