‘Tis the season for last-minute gift buying, burned Christmas cookies, frantically trying to clean the house, and relatives asking you about your life plans and relationship status as if you actually have either of those things. How do you take a holiday from the holidays? Well, if you’re like these people, you put out funny family Christmas cards!
Even if your holiday season is more “blue Christmas” than “White Christmas,” this list will put you in the mood for a holly, jolly Christmas.
From substitute Santas to blackmailing babies, from naughty NSA agents to photoshopped pets, these cards are an early Christmas present all on their own!
“In 2008 my mom instructed me to “sober up” and send my own Christmas cards to family and friends. Thankfully, my family has a really good sense of humor.” (johncesna)
And here’s another one of Mr. Cessna’s masterpieces. I don’t know if it’s more impressive as an excellent photoshop job or an actual thing that Mr. Cessna set up in real life without getting anyone arrested for it!
“My girlfriend got a Groupon for Xmas cards. “Can we bring the cats?” she asked me … followed by, “Can we wear corpse paint?” I present to Reddit: “Black Metal Christmas (with cats).” (crooshjef).
“My Mormon co-worker finds it funny when people ask if he has multiple wives (he doesn’t). So for his Christmas card this year, he decided to commit to the bit to freak people out. The other women are friends of his wife and other people from their neighborhood. Apparently, they all thought the idea was hilarious. People with a sense of humor make this world a better place.” (CaptainOutstanding)
This one isn’t so much a funny family Christmas card as a fun family Christmas + Halloween + Fourth of July + Easter + Valentine’s Day + St. Patrick’s Day + Whatever Holiday The Basketball Is Supposed To Represent. The only way you could possibly make this card more efficient is if they stuck in some birthday presents in the back.
“So my mom decided on this as our family Christmas card. No mention of my three siblings, my dad, or herself. Just me with a paper bag over my head, trying to hit a piñata … You know what I just realized? My dad actually took the head off an ax that he found in our garage, and that’s what I’m holding.” (matty1090)
“It’s my first year away from home so I decided to send my parents my very first family Christmas card. Happy Holidays, everyone!” (phillipwhw)
Sometimes, a family can just be you, six female friends, two (temporarily) full bottles of liquor, a horrible v-neck sweater, and your parents’ profound disappointment!
“I got a little carried away with this year’s Christmas card” (picturethisyall)
In case you got carried away by the adorable dog and missed the best parts of the card: “Directed by: Sweet Baby Jesus,” “Based on the characters created by: Folklore,” “Costume design by: Amazon.com,” and “Co-executive producers: Santa’s Little Helpers.”
“This is the Christmas card we sent out this year, after being bothered by countless family members to make one. It’s nice because I have really, super religious extended family. So they’ll either get the joke or call CPS. I’ll let you know how it goes.” (Drixislove)
Really brings a new meaning to “holy infant, so tender and mild,” huh?
“I got this Christmas Card from my neighbor. Maury Christmas” (ninjas_in_my_pants)
Despite the holiday hustle and bustle, we should never forget about the real reason for the season: disappointing older relatives so much that they have to pull your parents aside and give them a talking-to about your upbringing!
“My roommates and I were tired of always being asked by family during the holidays if we have boyfriends, so I present to you this year’s Christmas cards.” (MultiBilliamaire)
I dunno … I mean, I like it, but it seems like the kind of joke that might blow up in their faces.
“The roommates and I took in a new housemate who is less than thrilled to be in our Christmas card photo.” (luckyliko25)
If you’re having trouble telling which girl is unhappy to be there, here’s a hint: she’s furry, she’s screaming, and she’s in the arms of girl number two.”
“I also had a “really good idea” for a Christmas Card that didn’t go so well … Bleached my face 9 times in like 6 days to finally go white. Couldn’t sleep, cuz my face was raw and my beard was dry and crispy like a Brillo-pad. I scared small children in my building who already had a fear of Santa Claus. Small children tried to hug me at the mall while waiting for Santa which drew a lot of suspicious looks from parents. Santa looked terrified also, but complied with my demands for him to sit on my lap. My parents thought I had gone insane when I arrived for Christmas. Beyond that, though, it was awesome!” (iamkokonutz)
“We went in a slightly different direction this year, which required stepping out of the JCP Portrait Studio and using a photographer (big thanks to Marco Montenegro) at the local beach. This our nod to the ever-so-popular holiday card theme that says “Look at us soaking up the sun’s rays in a beautiful tropical paradise while you’re freezing your nuts off … don’t you wish you were us?” Merry Xmas everyone :)” (berjon1)
“(No Spoilers) Our family’s Game of Thrones-themed Christmas Card.” (poptartosaurus)
You know, at first, I thought there might be better Game of Thrones families to dress up as for a funny family Christmas card than the perennially-unlucky Starks. Then I actually thought about it for a second and realized that their choice could have been so very, very much worse.
“Convinced my family to go out and get family Christmas photos done. This is the only family portrait that exists of my family (I’m bottom right). The card actually has four frames on it, so it has three other photos on it. This one is the largest photo on it, though.” (ToddGAKKKK)
“Every year, my tortoise and I make a Christmas card.” (MartinMcF**k)
What’s the cutest thing about this card: the adorable tiny town, the carefully-photoshopped flames coming out of the toy cars, or the tiny little Santa hat perched on his pet’s head? None of the above, it’s the fact that the little guy is apparently named “Edwin Starblaster.” I heartily look forward to seeing the card he (and his pet) create this year!
“My Dad would send out hundreds of Christmas cards to the community/family. His favorite time of year to humiliate us all … Unfortunately, he’s so awesome my friends openly admit to my face that they only befriend me so they can hang out with my dad. I accepted it a long time ago.” (chelssmiesterr)
“My dad went to school with Pee Wee, so I get to enjoy his bizarre Christmas cards every year.” (YonicSouth)
There’s so much to unpack here that I don’t even know where to start: the fact that this card is genuinely from Pee Wee Herman, the little family portrait of the Obamas on the wall, the fact that the star has Elvis on it, not to mention the wildly creepy face he’s making in it.
“I finally found time to finish our Christmas card. This year we wanted to make it more about Evinn, so we came up with the concept of her blackmailing Santa. Technically, the whole family is on the card. My wife is the mommy kissing Santa, and I’m the lucky Santa. We both loved the idea of Evinn showing the pictures to Santa while eating the cookies and milk that she left out for him. She’s at a very manipulative age.” (Doug Barlow)
“This year, I decided to make my own Christmas card. My family was not very pleased. I actually had to stuff the Die Hard case with paper towels to make it open just right. It’s a very old and somewhat rare pressing that I bought used some time ago, so the hinge is spent.” (RonBurgandy2010)
“My family takes Christmas cards very seriously.” (gnariki)
“Last year, my brother’s family Christmas card was a big hit. Getting ready to do this year’s and I can’t wait. These babies have gotten soooo big!” (adeannephoto)
The best thing about this card is the beatific look of peace on the older girl’s face, the kind of peace you only see on the face of a child about to do something genuinely awful to their sibling.
“I’ve done eight years of shopped funny family Christmas cards. My parents hate me. My kids will hate me more. How did I do?” (tpthatsme)
Well, I don’t know about their parents or their kids, but these parents have done a homemade family Christmas card for the last eight years, Photoshopped to perfection, with “making of” videos for every single one, so I think they’re the real Christmas miracle. Bonus points for the “system is down” healthcare page!