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People Share Stories About Hilarious Things They’ve Done While On Autopilot

By the time we’re born we already have a routine. We get up, we get food, we go to the washroom, and basically do whatever else it is we need to do.

These daily tasks only grow in length the older we get and the more tasks we have the more often we tend to go into autopilot mode. It can often be hard to remember that we’re in a present moment and need to act accordingly. Perhaps that box of Cheerios isn’t actually our packed lunch and we shouldn’t bring it with us on our commute to work. Maybe we forget our building is shutting off the hot water today for whatever reason and we didn’t remember until we’re already dripping in ice cold water.

There are a lot of things our autopilot brain can ruin for us in a day, though it isn’t always our fault. It is important to be more aware of your day though and not treat every single morning before work as the same before you wind up in a mess because of one tiny little change to your usual routine. Here are 24 people from AskReddit sharing their hilarious autopilot moments.

1. My cousin used to live in a very small town. He, and a majority of the town, all worked for the same company. Every morning, he would get into his car and just start following the other car in front of him to work. But one day, someone who didn’t work at the company got into the line of cars. Everybody behind her, including my cousin, just started to follow this person. It wasn’t until they were pulled into her driveway that they all snapped out of it. (Tricky4279)

2. While working retail I had several customers in a row that all used gift cards and after a gift card was empty we were supposed to throw it away. So, I was on autopilot and I swiped someone’s credit card, cut it in half and threw it away all while the customer just looked at me super confused. Luckily they were very understanding of repetitive work and didn’t get upset. (Helix_van_Boron)

3. My friend Marc and I were going to a party and he decided to drive there and leave his car. He just wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka from his house first, so we pulled up outside and he runs inside while I wait in the car. He was in there for a while but I figured he was just chatting with his family or using the bathroom, I didn’t want to interrupt. After twenty minutes his dad comes home from walking the dog and saw me sitting there so his dad told Marc. Turns out he’d forgotten all about the vodka once he walked in. He went in, made a sandwich, and was ready to go to bed!” (Kitjen)

4. While I was at a party my friend handed me her phone while I was also holding a cup of beer, and for some reason I just stared right at her and dipped the phone into the beer? I don’t even know why! It wasn’t like I was dipping things repetitively all night but… yep. Did that.” (igbay_agfay)

5. One time I cooked pasta with tomato sauce then I had my apartment owner calling saying that my rent didn’t go through and I had to pay it afterward. Usually, after I’m finished cooking I wash the pots directly with dish detergent but this time I put the pasta on a plate and put the detergent on the pasta and sauce on the sponge. I then proceeded to wash the noodle post with my pasta sauce. (ThEgPI)

6. I tried to put my laptop in the fridge one time. I remember being extremely annoyed that there was no room for my laptop in the fridge and I was like “Ugh, if it weren’t for this bottle of ketchup and jar of pickles, my laptop could fit on this shelf right here….. Oh, wait….” (the_frail)

7. I had to go to my girlfriend’s house to pick up some video games that I needed for a birthday party but in the process I got to thinking about when I should see my grandmother next. Instead of going to my girlfriends, I drove all the way to my grandmother’s house, which was an hour away in the opposite direction before I realized my mistake. At least my grandmother gave me cookies. (box-of-butthurt)

8. I was out for breakfast with my family and ordered some french toast. We were all chatting and laughing and have a grand ole time when the food arrived. I was telling a story, not really paying attention to what I was grabbing off the table. I continued talking but started to realize that what I had in my hand wasn’t maple syrup but rather it was ketchup. I couldn’t stop myself though, I literally said, “WHAT AM I DOING?” while squeezing ketchup onto my french toast! I had to wipe off my french toast so I could ever eat it. (shojo69)

9. So, I fix phones as a career. I’m at the point where I don’t really think about it anymore, I just do it. In comes a Nexus 4, it should be a really easy and fast fix. I disassemble the phone, put on a new screen, only to notice that I had actually disassembled my own phone as it was also a Nexus 4. I didn’t even notice right away, I turned on the phone and just went “Oh he has the same wallpaper as me, cool.” It wasn’t until I needed my phone and picked up the customers that it clicked in my mind. (Seikon32)

10. Somehow when I was making my cereal, I made a pretty big mistake. My cereal turned out fine but when I was done I somehow put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. Luckily it only took me a few seconds to realize what I’d done before I fixed my mistake. That would’ve been bad otherwise. (Dath123)

11. One day I woke up and immediately grabbed my phone, however the “phone” I grabbed was actually a hair comb. I tried pressing the power button and nothing happened so I reached over to a glass of water and started slightly moving it thinking that the sun rays would reflect through the water onto my comb-phone and turn it on. The worst part is I thought I was being smart.” (winemoom)

12. This is probably something a lot of pet owners struggle with, but one day when I was getting ready to give my dog his dinner I literally just dumped an entire mug full of his food into the wrong bowl. It wound up being his water bowl and the food was completely soggy and ruined. (nicknack256)

13. A few years ago I lost my then two-year-old for some time at their elder brothers school when we went to pick him up. I ended up asking a group of parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was, in fact, asleep in a carrier on my back. (DareDare_Jarrah)

14. While using the bathroom I ran out of toilet paper. So, I grabbed a new roll, walked over to the toilet to replace the empty roll and what do I do? I wound up tossing the entire roll of toilet paper INTO the toilet! Not sure what the heck I was thinking for that one.

15. While washing up after dinner, I was getting all the dishes ready to be put in the dishwasher and somehow I wound up putting a banana in the cutlery rack? The worst part is that I actually turned the dishwasher on. There was smushed banana everywhere and I had to start all over again. (DareDareJarrah)

16. I live in Sweden so in winter we only have about six hours of sunlight total, so I went home after university during the winter and had a nap before I continued studying. I woke up awhile later and it was dark out, my clock said it was 7. I thought I had slept through the night fully dress. So I went to go shower and got ready to go back. When I got to campus I realize it was 7PM not AM. I had only slept for an hour. (snokster)

17. One night we decided to have tacos for dinner and they were so good that later that night I wanted another one. I got out all the ingredients, started building my taco on a soft shell. It’s all ready and when I went to fold it I realized I didn’t take the taco out of the ziplock bag, all the ingredients for my taco were ON TOP the ziplock bag that had the shells in it. I laughed for hours about this. (Melancholymeoww)

18. I once fell asleep with my glasses still on, I can’t quite remember but I was probably drunk. Anyway, I woke up and went to put them on but then noticed they weren’t on the nightstand. So I started searching for them. After a couple of minutes I decided to call it quits and have a shower first. I entered the bathroom and looked in the mirror and felt really stupid. (idrinkandiknowstuff)

19. I’m so used to taking public transit that scanning bus tickets is just a second nature to me now. I get off the bus, make it to my door, and I somehow forgot that my door is not a bus. Yet somehow I decided to try and scan my bus ticket at my front door in hopes of getting inside. (craig_machine)

20. 20. I took my husband out of his birthday to his absolute favourite restaurant but I autopilot drove to work instead and parked. He didn’t say a word because he thought it was hilarious. Now every time his birthday rolls around we’re going to have to relive this tale. (Bluegentoo2therevenge)

21. While babysitting my 18-month-old sister I went off to the petstore and I thought i lost her within the two solid minutes I first arrived there. In a total panic, I started searching for her only t realize that i was actually carrying her the entire time. Not sure how my body didn’t register the weight in my arms as my sister but… At least she wasn’t lost! (sheahobbit)

22. One night I put my frozen dinner in the microwave to cook, pulled off the plastic wrap that was on top and then turned around and threw my actual mean in the garbage instead of the plastic wrap. Needless to say, my meal was something else. The plastic cover just didn’t seem appealing. (lefschetz)

23. When I was around 16/17-years-old there weren’t any normal clean cups in the cupboard s I would use an old sippy cup from when I was little. My mother watched me walk into the kitchen, pour milk into a sippy cup, and proceed to dump it all over my face because I forgot the lid. (Heli023)

24. When I was 18-years-old I saw this guy into into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren’t many cars that looked like mine at the time and it was a weird colour. So, when I saw this guy getting into the car and driving off I thought he had stolen my car. So I got into a car chase and drove after him. After a couple blocks and honking the horn, I realized I was driving my own car! (Taqwacore)


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