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Hooters Is Closing Its Restaurants Because Millennials Aren’t Interested In Breasts Anymore

Millenials have recently been tried in the court of public opinion for “killing” industries from diamonds to fabric softener. But a new study may have them all beat: Millenials have now been accused of killing the breast industry.

An unnamed adult entertainment website (hint: it rhymes with Corn Pub) recently commissioned a study of American search histories. The company, which likes to keep abreast of changes in viewing habits, found that millennials (18-24) are 19% less likely to search for “breasts” when looking for their night-time viewing material. They’re also far less likely to search up “natural breasts” and far more likely to search up “fake breasts,” which I’m sure the “Millenials are psychologically-damaged narcissists” crew would have a field day with.

And the, uh, the mammary industry is suffering for it. Hooters, the iconic “breast-aurant” that made its name serving up wings and breasts for the customers’ appreciation, has faced sagging sales in the past few years. Between 2012 and 2016, the business has shrunk by 7%, and they’ve responded by closing restaurants across America.

Amid worries that the business is going bust, Hooters has started to rebrand itself. It’s focussing more and more on takeout, and even opening some fast-casual restaurants featuring (gasp!) fully-clothed waiters. 

That’s right! Their new side business, called “Hoots,” leans more towards the wings than the breasts, and features an updated menu to boot. 

Only time will tell whether this move will be enough to bring the chain back into America’s bosom.

While “CornPub” declined to comment on the reasons behind the shift, possibly worried that they’ll make fools of themselves if they get their reasons wrong, other “experts” have weighed in since.

To find out why the breast industry is deflating click ‘NEXT PAGE.’ And if you’re finding this story interesting, why not ‘SHARE’?


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