Is there anything you wouldn’t do for an all-expense paid trip to Coachella this year? The annual music festival in California has become one of the biggest destinations in the world for music lovers. This year the lineup is amazing, with headliners such as Radiohead, Beyoncé and Kendrick Lamar.
The festival has something for every type of music lover, from rock to hip hop to EDM. It will even feature a performance from Hans Zimmer, a legendary film composer. Perhaps that’s who this 56-year-old former manager wants to see so badly. In a Craigslist ad, Gordon (or Gordie, as he signs) is offering a VIP ticket, ride and place to stay for one lucky lady. All you have to do is exactly what he says.
The list of requirements gets so detailed it will give you nightmares. Even requiring the girl to be 19-25 becomes weird when you are given Gordon’s age. But it gets so much worse than that.
Gordon says he has recently cashed in his 401k and divorced his wife of eleven years, making this seem like something of a mid-life crisis or mental break. He’s not wrong when he claims this is a “once in a life opportunity”, definitely not one you’d want twice.
In the ad, Gordon starts innocent enough with things like “preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists”, but doesn’t take long to break out the big guns. “Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times” is a warning sign that should have had anyone nope-ing right out of the ad, but if you read on it gets even creepier.
By the time you get to having to clip your toenails in front of him things have really gone off the deep end, with Gordon even putting words into your mouth; literally, he gives you a script you have to surprise him with.
VIP tickets go for close to $1,000 before the resale market even gets a hold of them, plus he says he will supply great snacks like beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches (if you bring some extras it’s a “BIG BONUS”). Sorry Gordie, everyone is deserved of love and companionship, but maybe tone down the creep-factor for your next trip and you’ll get more responses.