You may think you have nightmare neighbors, but do your strange street-mates match up to these people?
A recent Reddit thread asked people about the weirdest people they’d ever lived around.
he resulting stories, featuring characters from committed copycats to fanatical florists to lazy lawbreakers, will make you grateful for your (relatively) normal neighbors.
“A couple months ago, I woke up around 2:30 in the morning on a weeknight. The police were parked in front of the neighbor’s place, and I hear a cop on a bullhorn go, “Come out with your hands up!” Mind you, this is in a small town with a low crime rate (though the opioid problem is close by, our town has been more immune than most thus far). Turns out some “friend” of their family had robbed a dollar store a few towns over and was hiding out (and by family I mean “unmarried couple where the husband doesn’t work, the woman runs the register at a gas station, and her college-age son from a previous relationship does God knows what”). The neighborhood is mostly old folks and young couples with kids. This group certainly spices things up in Normal Rockwell-ville.” (ConstanzaBonanza)
“A neighbor messed up when building a home and put his entire home well within my property (a large piece of land with two huge clearings connected to two roads but separated by a large isthmus of trees). I didn’t notice because I had taken a vacation right after he started building (huge property, I didn’t go around and inspect it often). So I got a real estate lawyer and surveyors to confirm it was on my property. I was going to sell him that clearing for a good price until I went to talk to him and he was the biggest a-hole I had ever met. He essentially told me that he is going to sue me for “leading him on” despite the fact that I did not know him, nor did I meet him before that day. His wife flipped on my girlfriend and me as we were pulling out of their driveway. 4 months later, I file a lawsuit saying he must destroy the property or turn it over to me immediately. It would’ve cost him more to demolish it and return the site to original condition so he signed the house over to me. He was still out for construction costs. I was living in a single wide with my girlfriend, then I had a brand new, 2600 square ft house with all the hookups for water, electric, and cable for free.” (deleted)
“My constantly drunk neighbor came up with the brilliant idea that he could collect the leaves in the store parking lot with his snowblower!!! He duct taped a plastic garbage bag over the discharge chute, and off he goes. It actually inflated the bag for a few moments until the stones started flying. He broke three windows on his garage door and splattered a bunch of cars in the lot.” (popesnutsack)
“Neighbor would park but use a wide sweeping arc to get into his spot. Over my lawn. After asking many times for him to stop I put an enormous rock directly on that path on my own property. Lo and behold, he smashed into it hard. After threatening to sue very loudly and forcefully, I informed him I’m a lawyer and he damaged my rock on my property and is liable for all the damages to my brand new rock…….he stopped driving on my lawn after.” (deleted)
“I live on a 50+ acre New England farm. About 2/3 of it is wooded.
After I’d been here for about a year I was walking the boundary stone wall, about 10′ on my side of the land.
From a neighbor’s yard, I hear a bellowing voice. “YOU’D BETTER NOT BE ON MY LAND.”
I replied “I’m not. I’m on my own land.”
He yells back, from somewhere in the trees on his side “JUST SO YOU KNOW, NEVER SET FOOT ON MY LAND.”
Me: “OK, we’ve got a deal. And you stay off mine, OK?”
I hear a grunt.
Then I ask “By the way, is this your deer hunting tree stand on my side of the wall?”
At which point he exploded, “THAT STAND HAS BEEN THERE FOR TEN YEARS!”‘ (TJIC1)
“My dad had a neighbor when he was young that played his radio loudly all day, even when he wasn’t home or was gone on vacation. Every time he left the house and his radio was still on, my dad would go and trip the circuit breaker to his condo.
One day he sees my dad, who was an electrical engineer, and asked him why his breaker kept tripping – was it faulty wiring? No, my dad explained, the loud radio was probably just putting too much strain on the circuit when left it on all the time. My dad suggested he should try turning it down or off when he wasn’t home, and see if that fixed it.
So the man tried it, and surprise surprise, the circuit breaker stopped tripping! He was very thankful to my dad for helping him with that annoying electrical issue.” (TheFeshy)
“Before their sprinklers were installed, my neighbor would walk outside and water his grass at precisely 5 o’clock every evening. Didn’t matter what the weather was, so once or twice I looked out my window to see my neighbor outside in the pouring rain with his hose, watering the grass.” (EatsAtomsRegularly)
“It’s me. I was the weird neighbor.
Preface: I grew up on a huge rural property with plants and chickens and what have you wandering around.
So when I move into a tiny ground floor city apartment with a shared (but mostly abandoned) garden I did what any gardening addict would do: I set up planter boxes.
That same week there was a sale of googly eyes at the discount store so, logically, I decided to glue googly eyes on all my plants. This solved my ‘I miss my pets’ problem. I used to spend my early morning before work pottering around my plants and chatting away to myself.
I didn’t realize any of this was weird until one of the neighbor’s grandkids bravely opened her back door and bravely asked me who I was talking to.
I ended up teaching her all the names of the plants (their real names and their googly eye names) and gave her my garden when I moved out.”(detonatingorange)
“She steals people’s cats if they get out. And she says weirdly ominous things to me from over the fence when I get into my car like “you know, if your house caught on fire you would probably only have three minutes to get out” or “My Nova is built out of better material than your car. If I happened to hit you while you’re backing out, I could kill you and your son.”
One day I caught her going through stuff in my garage so we put up no trespassing signs and motion sensor lights. I’ve also caught her going through my garbage and taking an old bent curtain rod I threw away. She also used to go down into my landlord’s yard (which is behind mine) and poke holes into her inflatable pool.” (dalted)
“Well, back when I lived in New Mexico, we lived next door to the former mayor of our tiny town. He would regularly go into his yard with a rifle and shoot squirrels out of his tree. Eventually, he got tired of that, and torched the tree.” (BrokenDreamsDankmeme)
“I came home to my apartment, which is a walkup, and the whole stairwell was filled with smoke. I ran up to my floor to make sure no one was home and found my neighbor having a fire in his doorway one floor above me… unattended, with some random cardboard boxes around as well. He said that is the way he gets rid of mosquitoes in his village, by smoking out your house.” (ivancurtis)
“Every time I go outside my neighbors go inside. Every time. They drop everything they’re doing and go inside. However, if I start washing my vehicle, my neighbor’s husband will start washing his vehicle.
But wait, there’s more.
I bought a 2010 Ford Ranger, white. Then they bought a white Ford Ranger.
I bought a pool. They bought a pool.
I built a big shed. They built a shed (albeit a smaller shed, but it is a shed nevertheless).
What’s going on?” (AtillaTheHungg)
“There’s a house a few doors down that used to be owned by a sweet, gnomelike old lady. She’d decorate the yard and front porch with all manner of grandma tchotchkes – fake squirrels, fake owls, an enormous fake mushroom for her lawn gnomes to have a tea party on, seasonal flags with leaves and flowers on them, all manner of hanging lanterns, bird baths, sundials, rocks with big creepy faces on them, corpselike fake birds, and reproductions of ancient nautical equipment. She was the queen of the holidays and would decorate her house for every conceivable event. Halloween was an epic spooktacular of hanging ghosts and scarecrows. Christmas shone like a festive sun.
Then, she passed away. The grandma swag came down, and the house was put up for sale. The neighborhood did its quiet mourning – she brought a lot of character to the place.
It was purchased by a slightly younger grandma who immediately started doing the exact same thing. The day the for-sale sign went down, the lawn sprouted a flamingo, two fake raccoons, and a really big plate shaped like a smiling sun.
I’m pretty sure the place is enchanted.” (mus_maximus)
“When I was in high school we had really traditional, fundamentalist Christian neighbors who didn’t like my mom. They used to blare Christian country music while doing loud home renos at 5:30 a.m. and my mom repeatedly asked them to stop. Made noise complaints to the city and everything. This started a bit of a war.
So eventually the neighbors started to throw rocks on our lawn so my dad would have to spend an hour picking them all out before he mowed the grass, or get hurt by little rock shrapnel. They salted our lawn and poured sand in the flowerbeds. They sent their kids into our backyard to pick and steal all of our fruit/veggies from the garden. I’m not sure why they were so obsessed with our house’s vegetation.
In the end, my mom went to Best Buy and bought a massive “ghetto blaster” as she called it, and then hopped over to HMV and asked the clerk for the most obscene, inappropriate albums they sold. The clerk had a fun time on that sale. She went home and made a mixtape of stuff like Tyler The Creator and some weird stuff the clerk had given her. Pointed the stereo right at their house. They couldn’t really make a noise complaint since the bylaw said they’d been doing the same thing to us for months, with Christian country music. Eventually, they agreed to stop harassing us if she turned off the radio, so their kids didn’t have to hear swear words. It was a great week, and she didn’t even have to injure the neighbor’s husband with lawnmower shrapnel like they did to my dad.” (_psychedalek_)
“I had a neighbor with a drag racing car. At the time, we didn’t have A/C. Like clockwork, at dinner time, he would start the car and revved it so loud my windows rattled. If we had any windows open (because it was summer), we wouldn’t be able to have dinner conversation.
One day, I’d had enough. I walked to the fence and got his attention and politely asked if he could maybe not rev the car at dinner time. I said I was cool with it otherwise.
His answer was “F– YOU!!!”
I went inside and called the police and filed a noise complaint. They came out, heard it live, and wrote him up. He fought it in court, so I had to go. Judge asked me what happened, I told the story above. She asked him and his wife if it was true, they said yes. BOOM $1,000 fine. The judge told me to call the police if it continued.
All he had to do was avoid 1 hour a day and we’d have been fine.
I never called again, because he didn’t rev during dinner. One day his common-law wife gets in my face about calling again. I told her I didn’t, but she wouldn’t believe me. He got hit with a SECOND $1,000 fine. Turns out it was the neighbor TWO houses away who was a migraine sufferer and had similarly tried the neighborly approach first.” (TheRealBobbyC)
“My neighbors left a merry Christmas envelope on my door… I was so excited that someone was actually being neighborly as most of them seem really rude. (This is an apartment building so I see all these people a lot.)
Open up my “Christmas card” only to find a folded up piece of paper that was a mean note completely berating me about how I need to be more considerate and make sure my dogs don’t bark at other dogs when I walk them, and just a bunch of other rude stuff. Which I get it, dogs barking can be annoying. But there are nicer ways to go about asking me to keep them quieter… and nicer ways to word a letter. And better days to give it than for Christmas.” (Pomqueen)
“My neighbor after someone had attempted to steal his bike and being advised by me to get a better lock, proceeds to save his time by not locking his bike up at all but balancing the lock so that it looked like his bike was locked up. I warned him that someone had already tried to steal his bike and that it wasn’t really clever leaving it unlocked like that he says “I promise you I’ll lock it up.” He then leaves his bike unlocked like that for about a week until someone stole it. I guess it did save the thief time. He did exactly the same thing again! About two months after his first bike was stolen he left another bike out unlocked for weeks. It was also stolen.” (slashystabby)
“One time, I got trapped in our apartment building elevator for about 5 hours, drunk out of my mind while dressed as Wolverine (yellow spandex, huge claws, fake fangs etc). The emergency button did nothing and shouting for help didn’t seem to do the trick. Instead, I resorted to kicking, jumping, shouldering and punching the doors. Eventually, I woke almost everyone on that floor up, the doors finally opened and I power-walked out into a crowd of about 15 concerned neighbors, went to handshake the lift technician but couldn’t because I still had my claws on. Basically just poked him in the stomach, said thanks and walked off angrily hungover and thirsty.” (pickletown88)
“My neighbors keep giving us dragon fruit. They put them in the letterbox a couple of times a week. We don’t like them so they go straight in the bin. Before we had a fence they also put dragon fruit plants in the driveway a couple of times.” (deleted)
“The couple living next door to me, they’re in their late 60s/early 70’s. Periodically, they come round to my house asking if I can order books for them as they’re not online and don’t own any computers. All the books are about angels and contacting spirits. I think they must be trying to contact their son who died when he was 17, which is very sad, they’re a lovely couple and they don’t have any other children.” (get-confident-stupid)
“The friendly delinquent downstairs has started hot boxing our shared front entryway. I assume this is because it’s smaller than his apartment. Someone broke his window because they were unsatisfied with his “business.” He texted me the other day to tell me he forgot my phone number. His new male cat is currently in heat.
On the flip side, the antisocial creature upstairs enjoys cleaning around 3 am. Especially rearranging furniture and vacuuming. Her thunderous footsteps are reminiscent of a drunk hippo. She’s all of 90lbs soaking wet, so I’ve got to say it’s impressive.
The neighbors across the street are being evicted, so they’ve started hosting pow-wows in protest.
Someone painted my driveway white.” (smkels)
“Back in high school, one of our neighbors moved away and their house sold to this older woman and her grown sons. She was a strange one, she cut down every tree on her property because of the “bad spirits” in them. The sons seemed to be popular, having people drop by at all hours.
All was relatively quiet until one day, while I was home alone, there was a knock on the door. Two gentlemen in very nice black suits and dark ties identified themselves as FBI and asked me if we were ever approached by a crazy lady or her sons to buy anything.
I look out the window and I see 5 blue Ford Tauruses, 3 red Ford Astro Vans, and one VIACOM truck that was being loaded with box after box from the neighbor’s garage. Turns out, the sons were making those special cable boxes that got you all of the channels for free. After this, it was only the strange lady left in that house.” (largecozz)
“Tonight, they lit their enemy’s car on fire. This was a feud a while in the making.
The homeowner doesn’t live there, but she came by a few weeks ago, fought in the yard with the main neighbor I usually see, called her a “c— of a w—-,” told her to “go f— some more casuals and get pregnant again,” then SLAMMED her car door shut. It bounced open and stayed open. For weeks that car sat there on the side of the road with its door open.
Until tonight, when someone stuck a bunch of fireworks in it and lit them.” (MillionBloodCapslets)
My mom went to Best Buy and bought a massive “ghetto blaster” as she called it, and then hopped over to HMV and asked the clerk for the most obscene, inappropriate albums they sold. The clerk had a fun time on that sale. She went home and made a mixtape of stuff like Tyler The Creator and some weird stuff the clerk had given her. Pointed the stereo right at their house. They couldn’t really make a noise complaint since the bylaw said they’d been doing the same thing to us for months, with Christian country music. Eventually, they agreed to stop harassing us if she turned off the radio, so their kids didn’t have to hear swear words. It was a great week, and she didn’t even have to injure the neighbor’s husband with lawnmower shrapnel like they did to my dad.” (_psychedalek_)