Because y’all don’t fear God enough, humans have now bred a new spiciest pepper. The current spiciest pepper, The Dragon’s Breath is hotter than military-grade pepper spray, and its creator has warned people that it isn’t edible. But a new pepper, introduced to the world this September, might be even hotter.
The Scoville scale, which measures the amount of capsaicin in a pepper, tells us how spicy a pepper is. A jalapeño has a Scoville index of 3,500-10,000, a cayenne has an index of 30,000-50,000, and the former hottest pepper (the California Reaper) has an index of 1.5 million.
The Dragon Breath, introduced to the world at the 2017 Chelsea Flower Show, has a Scoville index of 2.4 million. According to Smith, the pepper can cause anaphylactic shock and days-long mouth numbness. This is perhaps unsurprising, as it has a higher Scoville scale than the pepper spray used by the American military (2 million SHU) For those of you who want to eat it, you’re outta luck; this monstrosity is not being bred for human consumption. Instead, it’s being cultivated to act as an anesthetic, its numbing properties being put to good use.
But if you’re really, really desperate to experience hell while still in the world of the living, there’s an alternative: the new Pepper X, which may be even hotter than the Dragon Breath.
While it has yet to be properly tested for its spiciness quotient, Pepper X is already getting rave reviews from enthusiasts. And because human beings have never learned to modulate our hubris, it’s available in the form of a hot sauce. Appropriately, this new sauce is called “The Last Dab,” and it’s advertised as having the capacity to “singe your soul.”
According to its press release, the taste starts off with a “pleasant burn,” quickly cooling to allow you to appreciate the mustard and spice notes. But after that, the taste of Pepper X hits you, and “your skin goes cold and your stomach goes hot.” This pepper has not been officially verified by the Guinness Book of World Records as the hottest pepper in existence, hotter even than the strictly-medicinal Dragon’s Breath. Unofficially, it’s clocking in at 3.18 million SHU.
Hopefully, hopefully, humankind gets the hint and stops trying to breed hotter peppers. But, as the existence of four separate Jurassic Park movies proves, our species has never been adept at learning from our mistakes.
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