The bright morning sun stings your sleepy eyes as it bestows a rude awakening. You go downstairs: no food. “That’s fine,” you think “eating is overrated.” You go and try your Xbox, but alas your controller has no power. “Alright,” you think “I don’t have to play video games, they rot your mind anyway!” That’s when you start to realize that your house, the place you call home, has become a dark, empty void.
The space around you seems so vast and endless, your mind is slipping into madness from the sheer lack of anything! “This isn’t the time to panic,” an authoritative voice in your head reassures you, “there are places we can buy things.” That’s right! You live in America! Land of the free, home of the brave, place where there are places to purchase goods! For a moment things don’t seem so bleak until something dawns on you: you’re going to have to do this next week. And the week after that, and the week after that… you might have to do this for the rest of your life!
You start to panic again and that voice comes rushing back: “HEY! Snap out of it!” you slap yourself in the face, listening intently. “Worry not, me,” the voice says slowly, “we have a place in this beautiful country of ours where we can buy things… IN BULK.” Then, like a chorus from heaven, light cuts through the darkness and the vision of a logo appears gleaming in your eyes: COSTCO.
Costco has blessed us with great deals on bulk items since 1976 when it was called price club and no amount of prayer, tribute or human sacrifice can repay the debt we owe to Costco. Your mind graces over this fact as you step into the brightly lit warehouse, flashing your membership card like it ain’t no thang, grabbing a cart and staring into the awe-inspiring beauty that is this retail chain. You take out your phone and pull up this list: it’s time.
These Are The 25 Items That You Should Always Buy At Costco.
1. Maple Syrup. This sweet treat from the great white north comes in at 33 cents per ounce at Costco! The next best price is 56 cents at Wal-Mart and that’s for processed maple syrup, while at Costco it’s sugary organic gorgeousness.
2. Batteries. You remember your Xbox controller and groan. Darn it Microsoft! Why did your default controllers have to be battery powered? What is this, 2006? But then you see it: Costco carries a package of 72. That’s 36 times you only have to walk from your chair to your batteries (unless you keep your batteries IN your chair, in which case hello, how’s the year 3018?) instead of driving your car all the way to the store. The next best price for batteries is 0.40 cents a battery for Duracell, whereas good old Kirkland sells the suckers for 0.28 cents a piece.