1. Buying clothes too large or too small: The obvious solution to this is spending years locked away in a tall tower, trying to figure out the ungodly sorcery used to determine women’s clothing sizes. It’s sooooooooo easy, anyone should be able to do it!
In case you aren’t sure how women’s sizing works, here’s a quick and easy primer on measurements:
Size Zero: You have zero mass and zero volume. Scientists are baffled by you.
Size Two: You have had two life-changing experiences while on public buses, no more and no less.
Size Four: You have four crows nesting on your front lawn, and you don’t know what they want. You are afraid to ask.
Size Six: Your bust/waist/hips measurements are approximately 35/27/37
Size Eight: You’re a Libra
Size Ten: You have ten days to live
Now go out there and get some properly-fitting clothes!