The great and powerful Evilzor, your villainous alter-ego, paces around their evil lair. Your evil minion, M&M, and your evil dog, EvilDog, stand at the wings waiting for you to make a decision already. “Maybe,” you start, your cape flowing behind you. “Maybe I could’ve lost my family to Super Stacy from Home Ec?” M&M and EvilDog look at each other. “Sure,” says M&M. “Why not?” You stop and scrunch up your evil, mustachioed face. “Yeah, but it’s too run-of-the-mill. I want my origin story to be completely original. Is there perhaps a Providr article that could help me in my journey to discovering my identity?”
“Why yes,” says M&M, taking out his phone. “How does 25 Pics That Tell One Heck Of A Backstory sound?” Sure, why not. It’s Friday.
1. Hey, that’s not so weird. I lost mine to an off-brand maple Oreo type cookie. Wanna see the pictures? They’re on my Providr page. Listen, I’ve seen American Pie, I understand how this works. I’m assuming whichever body part you’re trying to emulate must feel like a thin mint? I wouldn’t know, I’ve never done the deed.
2. And for the main course, we’ll be sampling some lobster du la mer and some calculus homework. Man, that looks NOTHING like the food I ate when I was in college. It was a very healthy and mature combination of Wendy’s, booze, and bar food from this bar called Shopsy’s. Ironically, the bar had to worst food out of the three.