What? Why would you agree to write about the things that women do in real life, me from the past? You don’t know anything about women, for non-denominational deity’s sake, there is no way you can write this article without offending somebody. Well me from the past, luckily we have everyone’s favorite cop-out Ned Neutrality to guide us through another safe, totally inoffensive article! Take it away Ned, I’ll be playing Smackdown Vs Raw 2007!
(Ned takes Jake’s place at the 1940s typewriter)
Day to you, reader. I am Ned Neutrality, occasional substitute writer for Jake and real person. Today, we will be examining the things that women do in films that they apparently do not do in real life. I will, of course, be taking the accounts and opinions of other regular human people, as I am a genderless, grey-skinned being. So that I cannot possibly offend anyone.
1. The only way women can be tough in movies and TV is if they had six brothers. I have never had siblings, as my parents thought having more than one child would interfere with my perfectly neutral upbringing. Imagine their dismay when they had twins.
2. In movies, women will eat food sensually. Depending on the situation, I believe this could actually appear in real life. I personally would never do this as I find candles too hot, but imagine a romantic scene where your partner and yourself are feeding each other strawberries. Now that I think about it, regular people might find that awkward.