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24 People Who Engineered Their Own “Fixes”

Let’s face it: there are a lot of Do-It-Yourself jobs out there that are more like Don’t-It-Yourselfs.

We collected up some of the best (worst?) examples from around the internet for your viewing pleasure.

Here are 24 people whose design fails were nothing short of inspirational.

“I have a crooked nose. A friend told me he could help me out punch it in the correct position. My nose used to be crooked to the right. Let’s just say it is now crooked to the left…” (ChorusTroglodytarum)

“My ex heard that there were pheromones in urine that would attract females. He decided that more was better. He collected his urine for a few weeks and then decided to boil it down to a concentrate that he could use to pick up chicks. His parents weren’t home so he got boiling. He boiled it ALL DAY. He didn’t open any windows or turn on any fans. I’m not really sure how but the entire inside of the house was covered in stinky urine steam. Almost totaled off the house according to his dad. They had to redo the walls and the flooring.” (manypuppies)

“Heard via radio show that you can use bleach when you hand-wash dishes to make them cleaner.
Read the back of my dish soap. Didn’t see any warnings, so I dumped a capful of bleach in my soapy dishwater.
The smell was awful and I started getting light-headed. Unplugged the sink, vented the apartment and went outside for a while. Found out later that I had made chlorine gas.
Looked up what went wrong. Turns out there’s a big difference between adding bleach to dishwater and rinsing dishes with bleach water.” (wilwarinandamar)

“I read that egg wash was great for your hair. Cracked an egg on my head in the shower. Rinsed with hot water. Yep. I had to pick cooked eggs out of my hair. Not fun. You would think I had learned my lesson. Nope, heard beer was great for your hair. Again in a hot shower, poured some over my head. Got transdermally drunk in the shower. Fun times.” (svjeepgurl)

Well, I can admit that this lovely DIY is a great problem-fixer if your problem is “my children don’t have enough of the fear of God in them and I would like to instill it in them.” Good god, look at those empty, vacant eyes … the awkward transition into the plants … the knowledge that each of those heads once belonged to a beloved toy …

“I tried to clean the blender after making a smoothie, so I put some boiling water and washing up liquid in it. I put the lid on, pressed the on button and the lid shot off. I got a face full of boiling water and went blind for a few minutes. Completely recovered now but I haven’t made a smoothie since.” (ActuallyAWitch)

“Have you heard of the one about putting cheese on a piece of bread, then turning your toaster sideways? That lit my toaster on fire. I had scorch marks on the bottom of my kitchen cabinet and no one noticed. Made okay grilled cheese with minimal effort though.” (desirexd)

“I’m going out to the store later, is there anything I can grab for you while I’m out?”
“Uh, I’d like some objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects objects .”
“Fantastic, I know exactly where to get them!”

“A Ph.D. student in my lab didn’t have any pipette bulbs, so he sucked the chloroform into the pipette with his mouth. He did this for months until someone saw it. Unrelated: Another student was sitting for hours next to open bottles of chloroform, ethanol and other chemicals and was complaining about headaches.” (razor108)

“One of my friend’s dad back home was an ER doctor, and he had a patient come in with 5+ snake bites, mostly on his hands and arms. The patient said he got bit by a snake and tried to catch the snake so he could bring it in for the doctor to identify it. Luckily, the snake wasn’t venomous.” (papacarter)

“I tried opening a beer bottle with my belt buckle. I was at a restaurant with a group of friends and I was too lazy to take the whole belt off so I just unfastened it. I lowered the beer to my buckle and popped off the cap successfully….triggering this massive beer explosion under the table. No one actually saw me lower the bottle so all they saw was this explosion of foam shooting out from my crotch and all over my torso. Good times.” (mandown72)

“Tried that one that says “putting tea bags on your eyes depuffs them!” when I was about 13. However they did not specify black tea, so I used an apple cinnamon tea. Cinnamon is a minor irritant, so I had red tea-bag shaped rectangles around my eyes for a few hours.” (nkdeck07)

There’s just … too much happening here for me to explain or understand. Where this person got so many tiny cars. How they got their tiny cars to stick onto the bigger car. Why are there also cars on the mirrors? Why is half the windshield covered in stickers? I’m going back to bed and I’m not getting up until some of this makes sense to me. 

“A postdoc at my lab ordered a pizza and ate part of it. Put the rest in the -80 C freezer. Next night, he wants a snack, puts it in microwave on defrost for a couple minutes. Cheese looks melted so he takes a bite. The center is still frozen solid and he gets ice burns on his tongue, mouth, and lips.” (jfmorrison)

“I tried boiling milk in a kettle. A group of us were on holiday in a rented house and I did this for some hot chocolate. Everything seemed alright, it was good hot chocolate… then the pungent smell hit the kitchen the next day. We didn’t realize what had gone wrong at first, when we did my arse was the butt of the joke for six months straight.” (spectrosoldier)

“My dad had an abscess on his face. It was huge, about the size of a golf ball and horribly red. It kept getting bigger. My mom (a nurse) kept telling him to go to the doctor, but my dad was a ridiculous cheap guy. One day when she was gone, we noticed that a big white head had formed on the abscess, and it was apparently ready to bust. My dad went out to the garage, got his shop vac, placed it over the whitehead, and proceeded to suck out the abscess. It worked surprisingly well and healed up after that nicely. Mom was still furious, though.” (Greeneggsandmandy)

No. No. No, no, no. I’m willing to put up with a lot of nonsense on their earth, but peanut m&ms are sacred and not to be trifled with. There is a line in the sand and this hot glue gun monstrosity has absolutely crossed it. I hope whoever made this has an absolutely horrible day.

“I was recently using paint stripper to try to remove paint from my deck. I poured the paint stripper into a small plastic tub so that I could apply it with a brush. I then left that plastic tub containing paint stripper on my laminate kitchen floor overnight. The next morning I went to continue stripping my deck to find that the paint stripper had eaten through the bottom of the plastic tub along with an 8″ square patch of the surface of my laminate floor. I’m yet to figure out how to repair it.” (webguy)

Gizmodo

“I had been using a heat gun to remove layers of paint from some doorways. This was going well until a roommate mistook the heat gun for a hairdryer. Over half of her very over-processed hair just disappeared in a few seconds. She also had tons of chemical in it as well. The doorways tuned out great, though!” (deleted)

“My dad almost electrocuted himself trying to fix something on my crappy old house, where they had used a SUB PANEL for a freaking hot tub as the main service panel to the house, so there was no main shutoff. 
I don’t even remember what he was trying to accomplish, but I think I was begging him to stop messing with it until I called the power company to unhook it at the pole, when the lid to the panel dropped out of position and a bolt of electricity shot a hole through the conduit where it turned and went through the wall into the house.
Knocked out power to most of the block, and I had some angry neighbors since it was July and over 100F outside. I spent the next week without power while a wonderfully kind co-worker who’d built his own house helped me install a proper service panel over a few nights after work.” (horsepoor)

This man is operating on a level beyond all of us mortals, transcending petty rules like “road safety,” “good taste,” or “basic common sense.” He is a god on earth and, if I ever meet him, I will treat him as such. Hats off to you, random terrifying motorcycle man!

For readers who are dumb (like the writer of this article), the thing around the dog’s waist is attached to the dog, but NOT the gate. Don’t worry; no doggos were harmed in the making of this life-hack (except perhaps the indignity of having a spoon attached to their back)!

“I needed to replace a light switch in the kitchen in my apartment. When I removed the old switch I failed to notice that it was a combination outlet and switch which had four wires instead of the two I was used to. I didn’t make note of where the wires were connected. I made several attempts to connect the new switch but each time I threw the switch the light did not go on. I decided to see if at least the outlet worked so I plugged the toaster into it. When I pushed down the toaster levers, to my surprise, the light went on. I tried to convince my wife that we just needed to make toast when we needed the light on but she didn’t buy it.” (William L.)

“Anesthesiologist here; we had a patient come in for I&D of bilateral deltoid abscesses. He apparently had thoughts of being a bodybuilder, but instead of lifting weights or knowing someone who could hook him up with some quality steroids, he decided to bulk up by using some protein powder at GNC…
…and mixing it with water, drawing it up into a syringe, and injecting 20-40cc daily directly into the muscle. If bulk was what he was going for, it definitely worked, temporarily. A rip-roaring localized infection makes you look plenty swole. They got almost a liter of pus mixed with liquified protein powder out of each deltoid.
This also wasn’t the first time he’d been in for this problem.” (RyanB614)

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