Anyone who has ever worn braces will tell you that it was one of the most haunting experiences of their life. Phantom braces are real, guys. Even after you’ve taken them off sometimes you wake up and think they’re still there and you reach inside your mouth in horror before realizing that you’re ok and they’re no longer fastened to your gums and terrorizing your life.
That is what we like to call Post Traumatic Braces Disorder. In short, braces suck and you feel like the experience will never end when you have them. But the sun always shines after it rains, and one day you will get them off and the sight of your newly straightened and perfect set of chompers will set you free/make the struggle all worth it.
Until then, we trudge on with our metal mouth traps. You know what will make you feel better? Agonizing and complaining about how annoying braces are, and so we’ve compiled this list of the worst things about braces just for you. Let’s complain together, friends.
1. The God awful goop. What is that stuff even made of? If you’ve had/have braces you’ll certainly remember choking on it as the orthodontist shoved it in your unsuspecting mouth.
2. Sitting there as the dentist does some seriously weird things to your face. You wonder if it’s necessary or if they’re just using you as a test subject for their science experiment.
3. Those annoying as hell Spaghetti-Os that just made your life worse. As if it wasn’t already bad enough that you have a metal fence in your mouth, now you have to purposely tangle stuff in it.
4. Having to look like a perv in photos for years because you had to choose between your mouth setting off satellite signals or trying to close your lips over your teeth.
5. Needing a new toothbrush literally every 2 weeks because they get ravaged the moment they touch the inside of your mouth. It’s actually an expense you have to budget.
6. When you are constantly getting hooked and you don’t know whether to scream in pain or anger because it keeps happening and there’s nothing you can do about it.
7. And don’t get us started on this fake wax. It’s “supposed” to provide protection for your gums from the metal swords in your mouth by creating a barrier but it doesn’t even stick properly.
8. But absolutely nothing compares to the pain after you get your braces tightened. You honestly can’t believe this procedure wasn’t used as a torture method at some point.
9. And smiling through the pain because you are tough and resilient even while your teeth are screaming in agony and no one knows you are crying inside.
10. Attempting to eat the day you get them tightened. You think you know what you’re doing, you’ve eaten with braces plenty of times. But you have no idea the shades of pain that are in store for you.
11. Making fun of people who just got their braces tightened should be a criminal offense. Who can we talk to so they can get this law passed?
12. But probably the worst thing ever is this. Someone accidentally and very gently taps you on the mouth and suddenly you’re bleeding out and need to be taken to the ER.
13. Oh, don’t forget about these monstrosities. You would think that this entire contraption was designed to cause you pain on purpose. It’s 2017, make less painful braces.
14. But nothing, absolutely nothing, is worse than being told “only a few more months.” Nodding your head and smiling through tears because if you open your mouth you’ll start moaning in agony.
15. Being told to pick a new color like this will distract you from the sadness in your heart and pain your mouth.
16. And finally when your orthodontist tells you you’re getting your braces off soon. What is soon? When is soon? Like the next appointment? When?