At the end of a day, who doesn’t love a good joke? Even if it’s kind of silly or makes you roll your eyes, jokes are usually good-natured and designed to make you smile.
Humans love humor and in a world that is so often riddled with tragedies and disasters, enjoying a few good knee-slappers is a great way to spend a few spare minutes.
Whether it be a knock-knock joke or a stupid pun, jokes will never fail to make you smile.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy these 28 short, clean, jokes that are actually pretty funny. See if you can make it through without laughing or smiling. I bet you won’t make it!
1. I wouldn’t want to be this guy. He told his girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows on a little too high. Apparently she looked surprised. Get it?
2. Do you know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws? No, it doesn’t have anything to do with family relation, the difference is that Outlaws are wanted.
3. This guy bought his friend an elephant to put in his room. When the friend thanked him he told him not to mention it.
4. What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Although they sound the same a hippo is very heavy and a zippo is a little lighter.
5. The wizard said to the man, come forth and I shall grant you eternal life. But the man came fifth and won a toaster instead. I wonder what the guy who came in first got.
6. What do you call a french man who is wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
7. Can you name something that is orange and sounds like a parrot? Give up? It’s pretty simple actually. The answer is a carrot.
8. Two men walk into a bar. You figure one of them might have seen it. But now unfortunately they both have bruises on their foreheads.
9. Why did the poor old man fall in the well? He fell in because he simply could not see that well.
10. The other day Jill purchased the worst thesaurus in the world. Not only was it terrible, it was terrible.
11. When the farmer asked his worker to help him round up the 37 sheep, the worked scratched his head and said ‘Up? 40.’ I think the farmer meant he actually wanted physical help, not a rounded up number.
12. A woman asked her husband to go to the store and buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs to buy a dozen. When the husband returns with with 12 loaves of bread he explained that they had eggs so he got a dozen loafs. Just like she said.
13. My sister bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a car made out of spaghetti. Well, you should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
14. Do you know what the pirate said when he turned 80 years old? It was ‘aye matey’.
15. There was this guy who had the heart of a lion, and also a lifelong ban from the local zoo.
16. What do you think was a more important invention than that of the first telephone? Well it would probably have to be the invention of the second one. The first one would be pretty useless without the second.
17. Two men are in a forest on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the other, ‘I need your help to get me to the other side of this river!’ to which the second man replied, ‘You are at the other side!’
18. A guy walked into a bar and ordered a fruit punch. When the bartender replied he said ‘If you want this fruit punch, you’re going to have to stand in the line.’ But when the man looked around he realized there was no punch line.
19. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee way before it was cool.
20. How come even though they have the name Koala bear, they aren’t actually bears? It’s because they don’t meet the koalafications.
21. Did you hear about the two antennas who got married? The ceremony was absolutely beautiful but the reception was amazing!
22. Most people are usually pretty good at understanding puns. But it’s kind of hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac because they are always taking things literally.
23. Somebody let one rip in an Apple store and the entire place smelt awful. I guess it didn’t help that there were no Windows to be found.
24. If you’re ever feeling chilly, It actually helps if you go stand in the corner for a while. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
25. Guy: You know, it’s at moments like these where I wish I had been listening to what my mother has always been trying to tell me. Girl: What did she say? Guy: I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.
26. Did you hear about the two guys who got caught stealing a calendar? Life is full of irony: they both got six months.
27. What do you call a nun who happens to be sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic. Just make sure you don’t wake her up!
28. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on it’s own? The reason? Because it was two tired.