We’re all trying to make our lives easier. It can just be so hard sometimes to figure out how to do that. Well, why not check out some helpful lifehacks online? Well, there’s an easy answer to that question: because out of 100 options you usually end up with 3 good ones, and then 97 other terrible lifehacks that no one in their right mind would ever consider trying.
Who is posting these terrible ideas, anyway? Are they just trolling all of us or do they honestly believe that their suggestions are useful? Honestly, if you saw some of these ideas, you’d be asking the same question. Sure, we’d like to breeze through our day and have people marvel at our genius in hacking everyday life, but really, we also don’t want to be carrying garbage around all day.
Luckily, you’ve stumbled upon this article and you can check out all of the most terrible lifehacks right here. How convenient! Far more convenient than all of these “helpful” ideas.
1. When the printer runs out of ink and also it’s 1998: but you have to print that document somehow! Well, the printer may be out of ink, but the copier has plenty of toner, and your computer monitor is chock full of electricity. So what do you do? You put glass to glass, of course!
2. When your dog is not scared enough: This lifehack was ostensibly created because the dog’s owner wasn’t around, so her family members wore masks of her face. This was done in an attempt to comfort the dog, because if there’s one thing dogs love, it’s lifeless, flat faces with hollowed out eyes.
3. When you’ve previously claimed you don’t need oven mitts: Why do so many terrible lifehacks seem to involve digging something out of the garbage or recycling bin? Sure, a plastic bottle top might protect you from hot grease, but definitely not from sharp, jagged plastic rubbing against your forearm.
4. When you want to give yourself food poisoning: Are you too lazy to put some frozen chicken nuggets in a pan and put that pan in an oven? Then why not defrost them then put them on skewers and cook them in a toaster? This is a great way to get out of work, as you’ll no doubt contract salmonella and have to stay home sick.
5. When you don’t understand how squeeze bottles and plates work: Could you imagine if you went to a barbecue and this was how the condiments were arranged on the table? You’d be asking for the mustard and ketchup bottles so fast the host wouldn’t even have time to make a dumb toast filled with corny jokes.
6. When your cereal is too strong so you need to water it down: Apparently putting an ice cube in your cereal will keep the milk cold and the cereal crispy. Or, and this is a crazy idea, maybe eat your cereal in a normal amount of time so neither of those things happens anyway?
7. When your car isn’t fancy enough: Who needs a car with an actual sunroof when you can just do this? Although the illusion will totally break down once someone else actually gets into the car. Then you’d just be the idiot who put a sticker on their roof. Do you really want to be that person?
8. When your house is made entirely out of corners: Let’s face it: finding a flat wall is one of the hardest things to do in life. If you’ve ever been in a house, you know that the whole thing is basically right angles. So why not go through the very strange process of buying or creating 90-degree picture frames?
9. When a turducken is no longer impressive enough: This is what happens you let the biggest Lovecraft fan in the family take care of Thanksgiving dinner. Sure, the presentation is impressive, but those flavours are just not going to marry well. Also, we take back what we said about the presentation. This is horrifying.
10. When you have a very specific amount of self respect: You’re not going to eat an entire pizza, you’re better than that! However, you’re not above storing the pizza in some garbage instead of putting it in a container or on a plate or something. That would just be going too far.
11. When you still can’t be bothered to buy oven mitts: Someone once told you that putting corks under pot lid handles would keep them from getting hot. Since you still think oven mitts are for sissies, you listen to them. You drink ten bottles of wine, then forget what you were doing.
12. When your tires aren’t fabulous enough: Are you sick of people looking at your car and saying “yeah, okay, it’s a Bugatti Chiron, but man those tires are boring.” Then what you need is a bottle of tire color, to give your tires that 8-year-old who just attended a princess birthday party look.
13. When you stop caring what people think of you: So you’ve given up entirely. You still want to look cool or sassy in sunglasses, but you don’t really mind also being thought of as the garbage guy or trash lady. You’ve transcended the need to care about other people’s opinions, and now you keep your belongings in paper towel tubes.
14. When a regular container just isn’t good enough: Remember buying those containers of loose blank CD’s so you could make mix after mix that would eventually get so scratched you would frisbee it out your car window on the highway? Well, being the forward thinking person you were, you obviously saved those containers. Put bagels in them!
15. When you don’t have carpentry skills but you do have soup: Why should you learn how to fix a shelf when Campbell’s can do it for you? Just make sure that you never get a craving for soup, otherwise, you might just end up with a all of your flood sliding first into your face then onto your floor.
16. When you don’t have a can opener or any regard for safety: Do you remember those old infomercials about knives that could cut through a tin can? Well, they might come in handy if you happen to be without a can opener. Just make sure that you only cut through the can and not your precious fingers.
17. When your children are not scared enough: Are your kids having problems sleeping because they’re afraid of the dark? Why buy a plain, old, boring nightlight, when you can make one out of the most comforting item in the world: a doll’s head? Your children will soon be fast asleep, with nightmares dancing through their heads.
18. When you want to eat healthy and make people uncomfortable: we’re not sure what’s worse about this particular lifehack. Maybe it’s the fact that the fruit experts seem to think anyone has the time to build an apparatus like this. Or maybe it’s the fact that they recommend getting naked any time you’re eating a peach.
19. When you actually want to make your life harder: So you want to be able to watch a video on your phone, but don’t want to take the coward’s way out and just lean it against something? That’s an easy fix! Simply (or not) acquire a bunch of components and assemble them in such a way that your phone can lean against them the same way it would against a glass or something.
20. When you don’t have a cheese knife but you’re not some cretin: So you have this lovely block of cheese, but no proper cheese knife? Use a pizza slicer instead! Sure, the unstable spinning blade seems like a poor choice at first, but a regular knife just makes you look basic.
21. When mints are outside of your budget, but a dinner party isn’t: You know you’re in a weird financial spot when you can afford to throw a dinner party but can’t afford to buy some mints for your guests. What’s more affordable than mints? Toothpaste of course! Just ignore all the warnings on the tube about not ingesting it.
22. When you have no idea what utensil to use: So all your spoons are dirty and you can’t spread jam on bread because you don’t know what knives are. Just go to your bathroom and grab your toothbrush. If it can spread toothpaste on your teeth, why not jam on bread? The logic is flawless.
23. When you need more room for activities: Is your bed too low to the ground? By raising your bed with milk crates, you’ll have a more exciting sleep experience. Nothing makes being unconscious more riveting than the possibility of falling six feet and breaking something. Now that’s extreme sleeping!
24. When a shelf for your yarn just isn’t enough: Keeping your yarn in a fridge? Why not? After all, what’s more cumbersome and difficult to move than a refrigerator? It just makes so much more sense than a boring old shelf that can be broken down and reconstructed. Your knitting friends will be so jealous, they’ll lie to you and say it’s a bad idea.
25. When you’ve decided that children are too much of a hassle: Why should you, a hard working individual, have to spend all of your free time with your baby? Build one of these bottle rigs, and rest easy with the assurance that your child will definitely resent you in the future.
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