As time passes through the course of a relationship, boundaries begin to diminish and inhibitions fly out the window. No longer are we concerned about how we look when we eat in front of our partners, or the dreaded morning breath when we wake up next to our loved ones. But there are certain biological functions that we try to hide no matter the length of the relationship or marriage.
Whether it be the passing of gas or a big burp, there are a few things that we keep to ourselves when we are around our husbands or wives.
Everyone has a story about an unfortunate incident that involved passing gas. One of the funniest out there, told time and time again, involves three simple ingredients: a blindfold, a birthday cake and a surprise. This story has been featured in banned commercials, school “confession” pages and humorous reddit threads. Read on to find out what happened in this joke when this woman really had to pass some gas.
A woman had 3 plates of beans for lunch which she coincidentally ended up regretting later that night. Now, why someone would just have beans for lunch is beyond me. And why someone would have THREE plates of beans is even more mind-boggling.
But regardless, here she is, heading home after a big lunch and a rumbling stomach.
As she entered into her home, her husband was more than excited to see her.
He exclaimed emphatically that he had a surprise for dinner that night. I hope for his sake it’s not beans again!
To ensure the surprise was well maintained, he blindfolded his wife and then led her to her chair at the dinner table. Just as she was seated and was about to take off the blindfold, the telephone began to ring and he had to go answer the call.
He made his wife promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned in order to maintain the element of surprise.
Taking this perfect opportunity, she decided to relieve some ‘unbearable’ pressure that was building up inside of her.
She seized this opportunity to let go of some of that pressure that she had been storing since around midday.
She shifted her weight to one leg and let one off. In her own words: ‘It was not only loud but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump.’ Her words not mine!
To rid the stench and help her breath a little easier, she grabbed the napkin on her lap and fanned the surrounding area.
The pressure was still there and her husband wasn’t back yet so she used the opportunity once again to release three more.
She shifted to the other leg and ‘ripped off three more.’ The wife stated that the stink was worse than ‘cooked cabbage.’ (There goes my appetite.)
Those first 4 releases were only for the first plate of beans. She still had the other 2 plates to get rid of. So for the next couple of minutes she continued releasing ‘atomic bombs’ while keeping a close ear to her husband’s conversation in case he returned.
The sound of telephone farewells announced her husband’s impending arrival, so she quickly fanned the air a few more times and placed the napkin back on her lap as if nothing had occurred.
Rid of the pressure and happy with her sneaky maneuvers, her husband began to remove the blindfold after she reassured him that she did not peek through the blindfolds.
To her surprise, once he removed the blindfold, there were twelve dinner guests seated at the table with their hands over their noses yelling ‘Happy Birthday!’ I personally would have burst out laughing after the first flatulence.