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24 Women Share Stories Of The Worst Things Men Did When Hitting On Them

Every so often, a man comes into your life that manages to sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately, a lot of men are also completely clueless, sometimes downright creepy, when it comes to hitting on women.

The art of subtlety is lost on quite a few people, and sometimes when guys try to flirt with a woman they find attractive, they aren’t thinking properly and end up saying some inexcusable things. Sometimes guys will even imply downright criminal grooming behavior to rope in women to their charms. It’s awful. Thankfully most men AREN’T like this, but you get the occasional ringer that gives you a run for your money.

The following 24 people took to Reddit to share their most embarrassing, hilarious, and tragic stories about how men made really terrible attempts to talk to, hit on, and flirt with them.

1) Condolences: My boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver in a horrible car wreck a year ago. He was cremated because his remains were so bad. I’m attending college, and at the time it happened I was walking across campus when his mother texted me that the cremation was complete. I fell to the ground in tears. A guy came to pick me up and hugged me. I cried into his shoulder and told him everything about how “My boyfriend died” … to which he responded, “Well, do you want a new one?” (Reddit user: cactusflowercorpse)

2) Awkward Obsession: I played a Mass Multiplayer Online for a while, and I met a guy who was a couple years older than me. We talked for a very long time over the course of a few months, and I seriously considered dating him despite him being three states away. Until he told me he had a Cannibalism Obsession. Not the actual desire to eat people, but the idea gets his rocks off imagining beautiful women cooking him and eating him. That’s the last time I spoke to him. (Reddit user: JoffreysDyingBreath)

3) The Plane Crash: When I was away on vacation with my family, I met a man at our hotel who started hitting on me by the pool, and told me that he could sense that my plane was going to crash the next day and that I should stay there with him. I was 14 and he was in his 30s or 40s. (Reddit user: Elcyis)

4) The Anime Fantasy: This guy in my class told me that we were destined to be together. His rationale was that we lived several previous lifetimes as lesbian lovers in an alternate universe where anime was real. He called me by my ‘true name’ (some awful anime character that he liked) and he corrected my school papers with my “true name.” He kept a notebook about all our future stories together, picked out our kids’ names, and even designed my wedding dress. We talked casually a few times in class but that was it. (Reddit user: shinkouhyou)

5) The Problem With Alcohol: I can’t drink any alcohol because I have an underlying medical issue that could be interfered with the consumption of alcoholic beverages. A guy came up and told me once, “It must be hard for a guy to flirt with you, considering he can’t get you drunk and stupid” … thanks? (Reddit user: SalemScout)

6) No Kids: A guy came up to me at work and started to quiz me on my life. What’s your name, do you have a boyfriend, do you think I’m cute, etc. Maybe it worked for him in the past but not for me. Then he asked me if I had any kids, then when I said no, proceeded to tell me how he never met anyone my age who didn’t have kids. Then kept repeating, “Seriously, you don’t have kids?” over and over. I escaped to a different part of work until he was gone. (Reddit user: aciewoo)

7) Nice Try: This guy came up to me at a bar and asked if he could buy me a drink. I said sure. Why not? A free drink is a free drink? Maybe he was nice? We get our drinks and he asked me flat out, “This is going to sound weird, but can I sniff you? I feel like I can get to know a woman really well if I sniff her first?” I gave him back his drink, said “no thank you” and ran away forever. (Reddit user: deleted)

8) Roommate Comment: I had a guy tell me that my roommate’s body was “top notch” and that he wished he could morph my face into it. Somehow he didn’t see this comment as a problem and continued to flirt with me afterward. I blocked him and he didn’t understand why. Thanks for thinking my face is my only good quality, jerk. (Reddit user: eime8498)

9) Celebrity Comparison: A guy chatting with me on an online dating website said: “you look like a less attractive version of this celebrity.” I told him that I didn’t think that was a nice thing to say, he messaged me back sometime later about how I was ‘easy’ and deserved to get raped. A literal essay. Paragraphed. (Reddit user: flipflopsandwich)

10) The Magic Trick: I was out at the bar with some friends, and enjoying my time. We were dancing, and I had a guy approach me. He asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I said sure, stupidly taking the bait. He then proceeded to grab my wrist and put my hand on his crotch. I punched him in said-crotch. (Reddit user: sweepingpines.)

11) Language Woes: I’m Japanese and this white guy approached me and was hitting on me, trying to speak Japanese to me as well. I guess he thought it would give him brownie points but I could see right through him. He then tried to CORRECT my use of Japanese. I was completely speechless. I got up and left. (Reddit user: monk3p0d)

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12) The Promise: I was at a bar with my friends, and some guy sitting next to me taps me on the shoulder and tells me the bartender accidentally gave him an extra drink, wanting to know if I wanted it. I told him, no that’s ok, I have a drink. He then tells me he didn’t want to waste money since he was charged for it, so I told him to give it to one of his colleagues. He laughed, then told me “Why don’t you take it. I’m not going to rape you or anything. I promise it’s not roofied!” We left quickly. (Reddit user: bottle_rockets)

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13) Get Me A Beer: The worst goes out to a guy I met once at a party. I ended up running into him at another party, and he said to me “Last time we talked, I asked you to go get me a beer and you said no. Maybe once I give you some of this (proceeds to grab himself) you’ll do as you’re told.” I punched him. (Reddit user: ms_hyde_is_back)

14) Walmart Notes: When I was working at Walmart, on two occasions I came out to my car with a note attached to it. The first note stated that I’m very beautiful and that he’d love to take me for coffee, but his wife beats him so it would have to be a secret.” The second note told me where to meet for the coffee. I was super creeped out and didn’t walk to my car alone for a long time. Never figured out who it was. (Reddit user: Holliepoppin)

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15) A Family Man: When I was pregnant, a man on the street commented on how nice my butt looked, then asked for my number. I told him I was married. He pointed at my stomach, told me how lucky my husband was, and said the baby could have been his. It was the creepiest pick up I’ve ever experienced. To make matters worse I was walking with my 4 and 6-year-old daughters at the time. (Reddit user: missa1019)

16) Scumbag Liar: A guy approached me at an afterparty with some friends, and confessed that he was diagnosed with cancer and that he had a limited time on earth to have ‘fun.’ I told him I didn’t believe him, and he then tried to use this to get me to sleep with him. I told a friend nearby what happened, and she told me he tried that on her, and that she was friends with his brother who confirmed that he does not actually have cancer. I walked up to him, made an announcement at the party about what he said, and watched him turn red. He left the party and I felt so alive. (Reddit user: deleted)

17) Open Mic Night: I was at Open Mic Night at our local pub, and this guy sat at our table and started randomly talking to us. He had a really dark sense of humor (a little too dark) then started bragging about all the women he has slept with because he claimed he was a “genuinely talented” musician. I called him out and said he was a virgin. He went wide-eyed and asked how I knew. He left us his number for a hook-up. It was his parent’s landline. Gross. (Reddit user: RockMoss)

18) Not A Compliment: I’m sitting at a table with a few of my close friends, and this guy barges in, saying something to me within earshot of all of them. He goes “You’re the most attractive woman here, everyone else is so plain. They’re not trying and most are so overweight.” It was awful. (Reddit user: deadgloves)

19) Grandma’s Photos: I had a guy approach me at a club once, who stopped me to tell me I was really hot. “Just like his Grandma.” I nearly spit out my drink. He then shows me some old pin-ups he had saved on his phone of his grandmother from back in the 1950s. I had so many questions, but I was so confused and revolted that I simply walked away. (Reddit user: deleted)

20) C or D?: I was at my first college party. I was hanging out by the fireplace when a guy approached me and started talking. We spoke for a while, but the next thing I knew he grabbed my chest and said “C or D?” I turned away from him and said how upset I was. He had the nerve to try it again, so I grabbed his finger and broke it. I’m proud of that. (Reddit user: vandorengirl)

21) Study Buddy: I was friends with a guy who had a big crush on me apparently. Once, he texted me while I was busy studying. I replied that I couldn’t talk and that I had to study for a test, to which he replied: “You don’t need to study, you’re so pretty you could be rich just by your looks.” I blocked him. (Reddit user: alphasfa)

22) Stuffed: This guy I knew at a party, came up to me and said: “you know, you don’t need to stuff your bra, I think you’re pretty just the same.” I was shocked and angry. I told him “It’s not stuffed. Those are mine. Why would you say that?” to which he responds “Those are real? Even better” I threw my drink at him and called him a pig. Last I heard he was still single. That’s cuz you’re a pig– pig. (Reddit user: deleted)

23) The Runner: This guy I met online and decided to have a blind date with spent 30 minutes talking about his running career, then turns to me and says “What do you do? Clearly, you’re not a runner, but you’re not too fat.” That was the first question he asked me. (Reddit user: rubberduck05)

24) The Package: A dude at a bar walked up to me and asked if I was seeing anyone. I said no, but that I wasn’t interested. He then proceeded to ask me questions about why I wasn’t interested, I only just started talking to him. He then said “Well maybe this will convince you” and grabbed the bulge in his pants. Several bouncers caught a glimpse of this, then grabbed him by the shoulders and kicked him out. I continued dancing. (Reddit user: deleted)

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